Life is a constant struggle at times because individuals try
to reconcile their actual reality for the promise of what is to come.
Relationships inevitably stumble and leave scars all over
that can be difficult to deal with it. The signs of these misfortunes can
appear in the form of weight loss, weight gain or other physical changes. The
other signals happen beneath the surface and are more often than not difficult
to decipher.
Resentment, bitterness and pain can look just the same as
happiness and euphoria to the untrained eye, but its presence is problematic
nonetheless. At times, individuals make excuses for their partners and tolerate
their behaviors.
In other instances, the comportment of one will lead to a
heated exchange that will shake the foundation of the relationship to its core.
Perhaps the issue is what was said or simply the delivery of the message was
far too earth-shattering for those involved.
This can manifest itself once in a blue moon, or on every
other weekend. Regardless of the frequency, there is often an underlying
thought that things will eventually change and get better. Those are the
rational thoughts that people cling to in the face of raw emotions with a loved
one.
Whether the offending party promises change or not, for
whatever reason it becomes expected of them. It’s a fascinating aspect of human
behavior. In the quest to eradicate doubt, one will occasionally alter their
perception of reality with the hope that things improve.
For instance, an
individual sent this question to Meredith Goldstein, a Boston Globe
columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment:
“Even though my gut feeling tells me to dump her, something
within me thinks she has changed. She has confessed to a crazy past (being boy
crazy, always getting drunk). Do people change?”
Goldstein responded:
“People change and grow up over time, but they can't be
transformed into someone entirely new. This woman flirts, flights, and lies. If
she's been that way from the start, that's just who she is, at least for right
now, and right now is what counts.”
This partly explains how certain people remain in bad
relationships for prolonged periods of time. This happens to both sexes, but
for the most part, the expectation is that it will occur to women.
Noted author Valerie Frankel shared in her book The Girlfriend Curse:
Women get into a relationship hoping a man will change, and he never does; men get into a relationship hoping the woman don't change, but she always does. Men want their partners to be consistent. That they won't make impromptu impossible demands nor baffle him with classically female sudden-onset hysterical behavior.In a way, this speaks to the “truths” that we choose to believe as individuals. A faction of society prefers to believe that their partner will change and cope better with the needs of the relationship regardless of how unlikely it is. To be fair, some people do change and evolve over the course of their partnership.
Those signs are usually visible over a stretched-out period
of time whereas an individual unwilling to conform has displayed their resolve
on this front on countless occasions.
This has prompted me to come up with this saying: “this isn’t
just your relationship today, this is your relationship for the rest of your
life.” It might sound a bit dramatic and over the top, but it certainly holds
some truth to it.
A person that has refused to change in their relationship after
a couple of years will probably not change for the better later on. The case of
Jody (portrayed by Tyrese Gibson) in Baby Boy is
far-reaching isolated one. And heck, that required an attempted sexual assault
and a murder for him to stop taking his talents to every bedroom in South
Central Los Angeles (I know it’s a movie but still).
Life is what you make it and the same can be said about one’s
relationship. Do not leave it to chance, because then you’re playing the
lottery with your heart. And well, how many people win the lotto?
