*One of my friends hooked me up with a Q&A from Cosmopolitan. The Q&A had the top 100 naughty sex questions. As some of you may know, these magazines inspire me at times. They are the equivalent of John Starks talking trash to Michael Jordan; they bring out the best of my skills (at least in my mind). With that said, here are some of the questions and answers from the article. The name of the article is "100 Naughty Sex Questions", written by Bethany Heitman. It appears in the July 2009 issue of Cosmopolitan. I took the liberty of including my take on the questions and the answers. Let's run through them.
Q:Is there any way to tell if a guy has had sex recently?
A: Only if you ask him. No guarantee that he'll tell the truth though.
Shyne's take: How about, if you smell his penis. It worked in Baby Boy right?
Q: Will I become loose if I have many partners?
Shyne's take: I put that one there for Money. He was positive that it was indeed the case.
Q: I hear that squeezing my PC muscles makes sex hotter for him. Why?
A: The tighter grip on his penis adds an insane surge of pleasure.
Shyne's take: I seem to be a different breed when it comes to this one, the squeezing actually hurts me. Anyone else in the same boat as me?
Q: Why does my boyfriend want to ejaculate on me?
A: He probably saw it in a porno movie.
Shyne's take: Or you think he's your boyfriend and really he's not. He just wants to blow his load all over you and then be done with you.
Q: Do men of of different ethnic backgrounds have different penis sizes?
A: This is a popular rumor but no credible study proves it.
Shyne's take: Vampire stories have long been a grand fixture in the world. We have seen books, movies and even TV shows depicting vampires in their daily lives. However, if you listen to some people, vampires have never existed (purely fictional),and if you listen to others they will tell you that they did or do in fact exist. I think it's rather fascinating that vampires are always depicted the same way regardless of the medium. Whether, it's in movies or books, they are always described as having specific powers and specific weaknesses. This implies that fact or fiction, they came from somewhere. What does this have to do with the Cosmo question? Well for years we have heard that certain ethnic backgrounds were well endowed; this suggests that this information came from somewhere. So although I cannot confirm nor deny if it's true, I have to believe it might have a tiny hint of truth.
Q: If I don't have sex for a while, will my vagina tighten up?
Shyne's take: Once again, for Money.
Q: What's a good song to have crazy sex to?
A: "Doin' it", by LL Cool J.
Shyne's take: Or you could do it while listening to Eminem's Medicine Ball. She might just kill you for putting that song on; hence you'd have crazy sex.
Q: What outfit will get him really pumped?
A: A school girl getup-it's an oldie but a goodie.
Shyne's take: I agree with that one. I would also add two more:
1. the doctor-patient scenario. The patient only has 2 weeks to live and the good doctor asks the patient what they want as their last request.
2. Cops and robbers. You catch a female thief in the act and strap on the handcuffs. Then she says she can't go back to jail because she has to look out for her godson. She asks what she can do for you to let her free.
Q: How long should I let him recharge before round two?
A: Anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes.
Shyne's take: That's not long enough. If you want me to be just an average baseball pitcher, that throws maybe one good pitch in the whole inning, sure you can have me recharge for 5 to 30 minutes. If you want a 2003 Pedro Martinez performance (basically a Moss) out of me, give me a good hour.
Q: Does it feel different to get it on with an uncircumcised guy?
Shyne's take: This whole time i thought I had an unfair advantage!
Q: Is there a way to tell if a guy has dabbled sexually with other dudes in the past?
A: Only if he constantly refers to his ex named Tim.
Shyne's take: How about if he keeps making references to his time in the pen? Or if he played sports in college, ask him what the initiation was, if he goes quiet for a full two minutes, there's your answer.
Q: What can I do sexually when I have my period if I don't want to have actual sex?
A: Give and receive sensual massages.
Shyne's take: Some might take offense to this, but it's either you put out if he doesn't mind the whole Vampire scene, or else you give head. None of those work for you, tell him to call his Franchise Player.
Q: Does my guy fantasize about my hot friends?
Shyne's take: The solution is to only have him meet the ugly ones. Why? Because men know that their girlfriends are keeping an eye on them when their hot friends are around. It might makes us uncomfortable. But if you're fine with it, then forget i even mentioned it.
Q: Does a cold shower really kill a man's desire?
A: Yes. Cold water shrinks his penis, and it's hard to feel sexy when you're chilled to the bone.
Shyne's take: All I know is that when cold water touches my footballs, they get cold and it hurts.
Q: Why are men hornier in the morning?
A: Testosterone levels peak in the a.m., fueling their sex drive.
Shyne's take: Because our penis shines on the sun when we wake up. Yes, you read that sentence correctly.
*Approximately a decade ago (possibly more), Run DMC recorded the song "Down with the King". Little did they know that their song was the prelude to an individual that would claim the title of King and become a permanent fixture in the media and the sport of basketball. Last night, with the Cleveland Cavaliers trailing the Orlando Magic 3-1 in their best of seven series; the whole state of Ohio (pimps included) as well as the rest of the sporting world tuned in to see if King James would allow the Magic to send him home packing on his home court. After going up big early in the game, thanks in large part to Mo Williams and Delonte West, the Magic did what they've been doing all series: they were resilient and clawed their way back. By halftime the score read 56-55 in favor of Cleveland. Once the third quarter started, it took all of a minute and 30 seconds for the Magic to take the lead. By the end of the third quarter, Orlando was up 79-78. Craig Sager asked Mike Brown in between quarters if LeBron would get a rest in the fourth quarter, and Brown replied that the coaching staff was actually discussing it. But turns out the discussion didn't last long (kind of like a Kobe and Shaq discussion) as Bron Bron spent the entire fourth quarter on the court.
The Cavs did the unthinkable in this game. They posted LeBron James at the three point line and put one big man and three guards on the court. That was the offense for the fourth quarter. The result? LeBron James either scored or assisted on 32 straight points. A herculean effort by the King. However, after the game, Reggie Miller, Kenny Smith and Charles Barkley said they had never seen anything like what they saw in this game. And that in itself should spell doom for the Cavaliers. They argued that the Magic were wearing down LeBron and also that it would be awfully tough for him to just be the team for an entire fourth quarter for three straight games. And they do have a point. LeBron needed 37 points, 14 rebounds and 12 assists to secure a home victory against the Magic. If LeBron has to play this way in every fourth quarter, you have to assume that the Magic will win. The problem right now for Cleveland is that LeBron James has not yet had a bad game. Think about that. Cleveland is down 3-2 and yet LeBron has been the best player in the Conference Finals (East and West). In no way am I counting out the Cavaliers, but the minutes for the Cavs starters (especially James) are starting to add up. Let's see what happens in Game 6.
*Speaking of Game 6, Mike Brown made an interesting adjustment in Game 5. He finally realized that he was screwed no matter who he put on Rashard Lewis and Hedo Turkoglu. If he put LeBron on one of them, the other one ended up get his shine on because of a favorable match up. Indeed, Turkoglu has been matched up most of the series with Delonte West and Lewis has been matched up with Anderson Varejao. However, going into fourth quarters, Bron would guard the hottest one and cool him down while the other started to heat up. So what was Mike Brown's adjustment? He said the hell with trying to match up with them. It has become painfully clear that no one on the Cleveland team can guard Turkoglu or Lewis. So instead he decided not to try to guard them, but instead to have them play defense on shooters. So last night, in the clutch, we had Mo Williams, Delonte West, Daniel Gibson, Anderson Varejao and LeBron James on the court. So anytime that LeBron drove to the basket, there were a few open shooters on the court. The other thing I noticed, Gibson is a pretty good individual and team defender. So the team actually got a few stops with him on the court. They did not appear to be outmatched (which should be the case). Going into Game 6, let's see if this strategy holds up and how the Magic adjust to it if it does.
*I have not yet seen Terminator Salvation but I will probably see it tonight. However, don't think I'm a big fan. As some of my friends will admit, I have had issues with Terminator since the first movie. Think about it. For 20 years people from the future have been telling us that if we accomplish this task and a few others, we will prevent a chain of events that will lead to a war between man and machine. Here we are 20 years later, and you know what? The war still happened!!! If I was from the future and told you to that Barack Obama would be elected as President of the United States in 2008 and it didn't happen, I would lose all credibility right? Or what if I was from the future and told you that you would write a highly successful book about the Booty Call Guidelines and it would make you rich by February 2009 and then that didn't happen, you wouldn't believe a word I said right? Well for some reason we kept believing the Terminators whenever they traveled back in time to warn us about how to fix things. By the way, am I the only one that sees a problem with the first Terminator movie? John Connor sends a man back in time to save his mother. That same man that saves his mother eventually impregnates her and then John Connor is born. Ummm what?!?! How does that make sense? Let me switch it up for you guys to understand my point better. Imagine Captain Jack Sparrow in 2009. The pirates are now trapped in a war with the Americans (far fetched but bare with me) over the ocean. Now although a pirate, Sparrow comes into contact with a man with a time machine. For a small fee he can send his most loyal servant into the past to prevent this war with the Americans from happening. So Sparrow does just that. He sends William Turner back in time (40 years back in time) to prevent the war and protect Mrs Sparrow (his mother, let's call her Gloria) as well, because the Americans also send the J-4000 (a Terminator inspired from the Joker, as portrayed by Heath Ledger) to kill her. So Turner makes it all the way back to 1969. He befriends Gloria Sparrow and explains the future to her. Then he sleeps with her and afterwards enters battle with the J-4000. The battle ends when Turner drives a spear into the head of the laughing J-4000 that initiates its self-destruction mechanism. The J-4000 explodes and the blast kills Turner. Gloria Sparrow is saddened by the death of William Turner but later finds out she is pregnant and carrying Turner's son. That very same son, will be Jack Sparrow.
Admit it, after reading my story, you thought it was completely off the wall and you would never want to follow such a story (well the characters are cool for this version of Terminator). And yet, that's the actual story line for the first Terminator movie. Go figure.
*Enjoy Game 6 of the Western Conference Finals tonight. I should be giving it a look.