Scattered Thoughts

Been battling the a cold as of late but you all know that it wouldn’t keep me away from the loyal SBG readers. SBG players always play hurt; and that’s what I’m doing today. Mind you, today SBG comes at you as a team. Instead of me going through my inner thoughts alone, I come at you today in full fledge SBG mode. Today, Cid, Sley and I piece together our Scattered Thoughts…..

*I am officially 11-0 in my Madden football season. My Indianapolis Colts have all the fire power I need thanks to Peyton Manning but my defense had some huge glaring weaknesses. After eight regular season games, I was only able to generate four sacks. FOUR SACKS!!! I was headed to have eight sacks after the end of the regular season. But you know what? Homie don’t get down like that. I pulled off Pau Gasol style trade. I went to the negotiation table with the San Diego Chargers and offered them my 1st round draft pick and weak ass linebacker Clint Sessions (no offense Clint, but you got bullied last year in the playoffs against the Chargers last year and your overall rating in the game is 64) for Shawne motherf*ckin Merriman. And you know what? The Chargers agreed! Merriman is an overall 89 as a right outside linebacker; but here’s the trick: I converted him to defensive end where his rating boosts to 99. In the three games since becoming a Colt, Merriman as managed to return an interception for a touchdown, force two fumbles, and has gotten four sacks all on his own. Now that’s a trade peoples (even in Madden).

*NEWS ALERT: As Philly would say, we have reached a new scale of sucktitude. Allen Iverson is actually in negotiations to play with perhaps the Memphis Grizzlies, Miami Heat or Charlotte Bobcats. See, Iverson has always said that he’s in the game to win titles. But when your actions clearly contradict your words, guys like me have to start asking questions right?
-Refusing to play in a game with the Sixers when you’re in a playoff hunt because your coach wants you to come off the bench;
-Refusing to allow Carmelo to be the main guy on the Nuggets team;
-Complaining about going to the bench on a team that relies on team play rather then one on one play;
-Suddenly claiming to have a back injury and to be out for the season when the head coach mentions that maybe you can play the minutes of the back up point guard because you’re not productive as a sixth man.

See when you put all of those actions together, that screams to me that A.I. is all about A.I. Call me crazy, but if he really wanted to win a ring, he should be stalking Danny Ainge (Boston), Gregg Popovich (San Antonio), Danny Ferry (Cleveland), Otis Smith (Orlando), Steve Kerr (Phoenix), Donnie Nelson (Dallas), Bryan Colangelo (Toronto) and Mitch Kupchak (Lakers) in order to get a shot at hopping on with any of those teams. But instead he would rather shine on squad that will barely make the playoffs. That’s the thing about A.I. he’s all about himself (which I cannot judge nor condone) and what he can do for himself, but then will ask why others aren’t willing to do for him. Good luck on that championship hunt.

*Cid blesses you with some info on the Montreal club scene…

-Thursday, for some it's pay day for others like me. It's W time! Located in the newly revamped Quartier International, this High class Hotel Lounge (Wunderbar) blesses you with a hip hop ambiance and a nice new age decor! I know, it's pretty lame and cheesy, but hey it's better than nothing. Meaning, it's free to get in (Yes!) and they don't really stress for the dress code (Sort of Yes!). It also presents you nice eye candy barmaids with the occasional NBSW (Never Before Seen Women) as their clientele. The crowd is mature. As mentioned earlier, it is free to get in but your name must be on the "List". Yeah that list that bouncers supposedly use to filter who's in and who's outside to accompany the lamp post. "BUDGET ALERT" make sure to bring at least 260$ (which means 2 Bruno's ex: Canadian 100.00$ bill is Bruno + 3 Green Queens ex: 20$ is Green Queen) to take a table and pop bottles with models. As soon as you have the bottle, suddenly you have a lot of people around you trying to be your friend and the gold diggers come out the closet real quick. This is called the "Movers and Shakers Theory Right now, the Wunderbar is one of the hottest spots in Montreal to avoid disappointment come early at 11pm .Please don't think about getting a room on the spot because the cheapest room is 329$ a night. Also don't think about paying round to your wingman either, because the alcohol is very and I mean very bloody expensive. For example a cognac Courvoisier V.S costs 19.25$ txt! But there's more....wait for it!...wait for it!!!...Before tips!!! Oh and by the way remember them eye candy barmaids, they'll make sure you give her the proper tip...(Bitch where's my money!!!). Finally, you only getting an 1 oz, nothing more. Famous people seen at the W hotel: Lil Wayne after his show and Pittsburgh Penguins Superstar Sidney Crosby. Hotel W is locate 901 Square Victoria, Montréal, Québec H2Z 1R1 · Canada

-Montreal aka Real-City - Canada's Party Capital, where you can do it again until 6 in the morning. This time around I'm giving you the goods on the DOME....!...Sorry, DOME 2000....Nah!! I'm talking about....CLUB OPERA Fool!!!!! All white decor with a MIAMI style ambiance. Point 1:This is one of the most beautiful clubs in Montreal! Scratch that the prettiest one in the city period! The best night I might say is Sundays..aka STAFF NIGHT. Basically, staff night is where you will find all the pretty barmaids from others clubs mingling in the crowd. This is the night where you will see strippers, gold diggers, hoes, bustas, boasters, hustlers, fake tits, everybody! Get your hands up!...My man D aka D’nutz will say I just took a bite from Hova... oh well Shawn Corey Carter always bit off Biggie LOL!!! The music is mostly house but you see so many beautiful women that the music doesn't even bother you. Some might consider it as paradise aka the watering hole for predators to catch some prey..whoa!!!! too much National Geographic. On the real, pretty mature crowd minimum percentage of young lads and gals since most of them gotta hit the school benches or work the next day...hihi!. Meaning, this could be your only chance to impress some ladies so make sure you got your True Religion jeans and Ed Hardy Apparel on point. As for the Fire Water aka Alcohol, The same 1 oz of cognac that cost 20$ or as I like to call them Green Queens at W costs 8$ at Opera. Jesus!. You will be able to buy 2 rounds for your wingman and try to holla and spit at P.Y.T (Pretty Young Thang) with a cosmo. Musically talking, I prefer it on Saturdays. Point 2: When I need to soothe that Urban Music hit (aka listen to some Hip Hop), I go upstairs and relate with my main man Toddy Flores on the 1 & 2's to satisfy that hunger. You'll see people between 18-40 for sure on Saturdays.For all of you out of towners, don’t forget we are in LA BELLE PROVINCE (Quebec) the legal age to drink and go out is 18!!!. On any other day this club is closed, except for special events. For instance, when my boy Jean Pascal won the world title against Adrian Diaconu aka the Shark, bottles were popped and people approached to witness. Bottom line, I have no clue how much is costs to rent that club but if you do a party, no one will complain about the beauty of the place.

*Sley drops some knowledge and responds to some of my previous articles
-Are your standards too high?
Maybe I'm just too demanding Maybe I'm just like my father too bold Maybe I'm just like my mother, she's never satisfied (Satisfied) Classic lyrics from the Artist..The Symbol, The Icon, The man that took all his videos and joints off YOUTUBE...Punk!...PRINCE!!!!!...No More Hand Claps please! That's what it's all about nowadays, standards, knowing what you really really want, filter the residue and keep that Golden Nugget! In regards to giving face, man to each his own I guess. I mean, in ghetto terms..Boom if shorty wanna lollipop brotha man and so on and so forth..Go hard or Go home..Word to mutha B! And if God wanna bless his Wiz by eating some Power U..All the power to you dude! In all seriousness, I agree humans are complicated beings. Man Differ from Woman and vice versa, but trying to find Mister or Ms.Alright is the way to go as there is no Perfect entity to complete your search...Fool! Real talk! When you try to find a mate to build and prosper, you need to accept their imperfections.

-Wingman
"Like Rae & Ghost, I'm the eyes that's in the back of you kid!" Here's my wingman point of view: III. THE KAMIKAZEE (No pressure) That's a brotha who ain't afraid to just step and say whatever is on his mind to holla at lady love love. I know a dude, who personifies that type of brash in your face bravado. 1 on 3 1 on 4 panache. And you know what, he gets that bucket with the harm. Insane tactics in my opinion, but successful in certain ways. I mean, we all have these ego trips where we just grab and say a Biggie line: "I'm F**king with you". But you need the testicular fortitude to swing for the fences and also a good chin to receive the tongue lashing afterwards. Some might say, you need some liquid courage, others call it having some balls but I've seen it and one time did the KAMIKAZEE all for the good of the cause!!!! Church! IV. THE SACRIFICE (Take one for the team) Yes! I have experienced that move in my life indeed. Few summers ago, I got a call from my dudes around my way who were at Salsatheque with 3 chicas. Not necessarily Spanish, but you get the point! Anyways, they sent me a flair and asked me to come and help out on the PK (Hockey Term for Penalty Kill). Now, I'm basically being setup on a blind date either with Chubaka or Shaneyney. So I decided to ...TAKE ONE FOR THE TEAM!!! Finally, I arrive and meet up with my comrades, shorty was ok...had convo, but she kept on asking if I knew certain Street Union Workers (my terminology for Gangsters). So yes, I sacrificed for my PNC's to get some action. Again, for the good of the cause!!!

-Quality or Quantity?
In regards to this topic, I believe my man Shyne forgot one important step...the unexplained one:
THE BREAK UP STAGE aka LONE WOLF- It basically bolds down to this. After being in a relationship for a while (At Least more than 2 years) and what ever the reason, it no longer works that dude will go "Loco in la Cabeza". Meaning, he'll need unload ASAP. Quality is out the window, he will tap and pounce on any prey (weak minded shortys to hurt lady love loves's), just to satisfy the urges. Meaning, he'll regress and go primitive. Start going out and keep busy his alter brain to mask the pain & stress of the past break up. He'll relate with the pack of wolves more often and when he does find that quote unquote person, he might stray fearfully to avoid being hurt once again. At the end of the day, he wants to be held, but not too long...feel me! Again, as Shyne mentioned we ain't got PhD's in the subject, but we got things that can't measured...Experience papi..experience!!!


Top of the day to all Cyber readers! Last night I was cruising downtown with wifey and wanted to scope out the Steve Harvey Book (Act like a Lady Think Like a man). Didn't cop it since it was freaking 31$ for 289 pages!!!! Insane in the la cabeza Cogno!!!! Amazon Canada...10$ thank you! But while wandering through the immense field of books, I saw the Karrine Steffans new book " The Vixen Manual-How to Seduce & Keep the man you want" Intrigued me with a sensual cover, I started flipping through the pages and saw some pretty interesting stuff ol' girl was rapping about. She really wants women to get that man girl and make everything possible to keep him from going astray. But like life in general, it's not all physical, She also tried to get the lines of communication open for convo in regards to getting the picture right about who you getting busy with as well as with your self. After I dissect and peep her science, I'll relate later with the specifics. Also, big shout out to Philly aka Oak for making the big step..Welcome to the club!!!

Are you a good wingman?

Are you a good wingman? Ask the question to any man and they will probably tell you that they are. The real cocky one will say that he is not a good wingman; but rather is the best when it comes to setting himself up. For those of you that are unaware, a wingman is a person that facilitates an interaction with a person that you might come across in a public setting (typically, you have never met this person) that you think is attractive. The wingman’s job is to make their friend look real good and desirable to this stranger. If it’s still unclear, your wingman is supposed to help you get laid. As I previously mentioned, men tend to think that they can easily get their friends some action. But in reality, nothing could be further from the truth. Men fail to realize one truly important aspect of their social interactions that Jay-Z mentioned in one his songs: game recognize game. A woman knows how to recognize when you’re either coming on to her or trying to hook up your friend. For that reason, it’s important not to actually come across as a wingman.

Those that come around the SBG blog on the regular know that I am a huge “How I Met Your Mother” fan. On the show, no one gets more action then the legen….wait for it… dary Barney Stinson (played by Neil Patrick Harris). There have been times in which Barney has tried to hook up his best friend Ted Mosby (played by Josh Radnor) with a variety of women; and they have had mixed results. Most people think that if you get your #1 player friend to talk for you, he will be able to close the deal for you. But there is an obvious flaw in that game plan. Let me illustrate it like this: would you ask Randy Moss to throw touchdown passes to Tom Brady? With your team done one point and 10 seconds left in game 7 of the NBA Finals, would you ask Kobe Bryant to catch the ball at the top of the key and run a play for Derek Fisher? Hell, would you ask 50 Cent to produce tracks for Dr. Dre to rap on? You see, the best set up people are typically individuals that are team oriented (Cid is a very underrated wingman by the way); people that can accept not being the star of the show. Mind you, that’s only half the battle. After having selected your point guard (in basketball, your point guard is the guy that is supposed to set up all the players on his team), you need to come up with a game plan. When it comes to the wingman, I have noticed that there are two techniques that are consistently efficient. And by the way, asking questions such as have you met my man Shyne? He’s the man, let me introduce you”, is one of the many ways to get rejected (unless you’re the wingman of Mike Lowry and a select few other men). Let’s check out the techniques.

I. The casual conversation

Like I previously mentioned, game recognize game. So women will know what your angle is when you approach them with your best lines trying to hype up either your friend or yourself. The best way to counter that is to be casual and yet calculated in your moves. In order to pull this off, you have to make it seem like your interaction is completely random and off the top of the head. Let me give you a scenario and then we can walk through it. Scenario: A hot girl is at the bar with two of her friends and are just checking out who’s on the dance floor while ordering drinks. The trick here is to gradually move to the bar and order a drink all the while standing in her immediate vicinity. Then you and your wingman need to start conversing about something completely random that eventually turns into a debate. Then in the heat of the debate, this is where your wingman will

turn to her and ask her to settle the debate. So your wingman would say something along these lines: “My friend here thinks that the evolution of society has rendered women too independent and therefore overly masculine. I think the idea is ridiculous. What do you think?” Obviously, that’s not necessarily a big convo starter in the club, but you get the idea. The point here is to get her to submit her opinion and just flow into a conversation. This technique does not give the woman the impression that she is reeled in like a fish. Instead she might want to provide her opinion on the given subject. If you’re an attractive dude, even better; because now you gave her a way to talk to you without her putting herself out there (women tend to think that it’s the man’s job to break the ice). At this point in time, all you might have to do is ask her 21 Questions and then you might get to be Popping Them Thangs. Don’t ask me why, I just felt like inserting some 50 Cent lines in there. I guess I’ll do anything. Nonetheless, you get the point. Let’s move on to our second technique.

II. The woman

I don’t want to say that this technique is bulletproof, but it does wear Teflon. It might not work every time but it will work just about 90 to 95% of the time. If your wingman is a woman, she will be able to hook you up even if her set up game is sub par. Women have a knack for being attentive to your needs; they can spot insecurities and deficiencies; that’s what they prey on. There’s a reason why women always know what to say to a man at a given time; it’s their specialty. Put it this way, if you wanted a dude shot at the basketball park and didn’t care about the collateral damage, you would hire a drive by specialist right? Well same rule applies here. A woman knows exactly what to say and when to say it; so if you are able to get a woman that knows you fairly well to be your wingman, you’re in business. Start putting these strategies to work and I guarantee satisfaction or your money back. You can eve n say you got all your info from SBG.

Feel free to share your success stories with me....

Are your standards too high?

The other day I was in need of inspiration because I had no topic that came to mind that I could write on. So I asked some of my peeps what was on their minds so that I could elaborate further for them. Now I won’t call him out or anything, but one of my boys told me to write about women unwilling to give head and/or swallow. At first glance, I thought the topic was more boring then The Happening. But then I considered the source, and thought that I could actually make this work. Here’s the thing: the person that brought that subject up, categorically refuses to do any form of licking. By licking, I am talking about cunninlingus, giving face, performing oral or just straight eating it out (just pick the definition that suits you best). So I sat there wondering, why does a man that refuses to go down on a woman require for the women that he hooks up with go down on him? A little odd right? Not in his world. Then again we are all allowed to set our own standards right?

Having high standards is not a bad thing . However, some people at times have way too high standards; and although there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, it just makes it hard at times to enjoy the company of a person with unbelievably high standards. For instance, we have all met a woman or a man in our lives that just kept looking for the right one but was unable to find them. Their quest keeps on getting derailed because of the expectations they set on their prospective mate. Don’t get me wrong people, you are entitled to want to have a boyfriend/girlfriend that Is faithful, honest, caring, loyal, funny and the like. But does he really need to be a dog or cat lover? Is it really necessary for that person to be a fan of Tyra or America’s Next Top Model? Like I said, we are all entitled to want what makes us happy, but what if what we want to make us happy doesn’t make us happy because we can’t find what we want?

There’s a riddle for you. If you seek to find Mr or Ms Right, start by finding Mr or Ms Alright. At times, our screening tests might have way too many filters, thus preventing us from being able to find what we truly seek and desire. For instance, I love listening to whatever Joe

Budden puts out as music, but other people don’t feel his introspective style. See, Royce da 5’9 and Joe got into a war of words at some point because of a quick line that Royce dropped (Budden said the battle was embarrassing, in comparison this sh*t here more embarrassing, so I’ma use his beat to murk you, and maybe he see that I murk him too…”) and the two went at each other making fun of each others style. But then they got together, put that beef to rest and then formed the rap group Slaughterhouse. The point I am trying to make here is that Mr or Ms Semi-Perfect might end up being perfect for you. Give that person a shot and see what happens. Leave it to me to turn a conversation about head into an actual philosophical convo. Dop me your thoughts on the subject, it would be much appreciated.

Quality or Quantity?

In general, people tend to look at this debate without much hesitation: you’re either a person that prefers quantity or quality. But then again, some people might argue that it depends on the subject. But does it really? I would like to think that if you feel one way about a certain topic, that trend might follow suit in other topics. Whether talking about sports, music or sex, we all have an opinion in terms of quality versus quantity. But people want to know, do men and women look at sexual partners differently? Why do men seek the constant need to add additional figures to what may already be a high amount of partners? Before I get into that subject, I will give you all my stance and then let it trickle down from there.

Allen Iverson is one of the best basketball players the world has ever seen. He will one day make the Hall of Fame and will probably retire one day as one of the top five toughest NBA players of all time. But here’s the crazy thing about AI; he is still a free agent. No team has been willing to spend even about $5 million on him. We are talking about one of the top scorers of all time. So what gives? Well, Iverson is one of the greatest scorers the league has ever seen but he takes a ton of shots to get his points. Hell, AI has taken more shots then Barney (the Simpsons) and Julian (Trailer Parks Boys) combined. For those of you that have never watched Trailer Park Boys, Julian always drives with a drink in his hands. ALWAYS. In essence, what this means is that Iverson takes a plethora of shots and several of them are bad ones. Consequently, Iverson is unsigned and might have to play with a team with no realistic shot at championship because those ones are the only actually considering signing him.

Lack of quality shots hurts Allen Iverson.

A lot of people really like Weezy. By Weezy, I mean Lil’ Wayne. The dude can hop on a track and spit some of the best verses you have ever heard in quite some time. But what’s Weezy’s downfall? The dude has practically oversaturated the game. Lil’ Wayne has put out so many tracks in the past year that he has lost some what made him special to some. You can only talk about so many things going on in your life before you start talking about non sense. Well that’s what happened to the “Tha Carter”. Lil’Wayne started having songs that made no effin sense whatsoever. He sacrificed quality over quantity. See, in general I tend to gravitate around quality instead of quantity. I have nothing against people that are out for numbers; to each their own, but I rather focus on something great instead of a bunch of average things.

So we now get back to our initial topic: why do men treat women like poker chips? Don’t get me wrong, this doesn’t apply to all men; a fair share of us a perfectly happy to find just that one person that fulfills our every need instead of finding different partners that can only fix one particular itch we might have. But with that said, a fair share of men keep going all in no matter what cards they have at the table hoping to to have a bigger and higher stack then what they had yesterday. There are a few reasons for that. One of them is that society has made it normal for us to expect this from men. So in several circles, men see this as quite normal and are also encouraged to keep up with the lifestyle of the entourage. So although society plays a part in it, so does peer pressure. For instance, there’s this dude I know that regularly gets some action from women that he meets on weekly basis at the cluhb. One of the dudes that rolls with him just gets some action because they hang together. When you’re the wingman of a dude that gets a lot of action, you’re bound to get your fair share of the action from the friends of the women he meets.

One other reason why men are numbers chasers is that they like to play the field. As Chris Rock says in his stand “Don’t Kill the Messenger”, men like to exercise their variety. Consequently, until we find the one that we want to settle down with, we want to get all the action we can get. Some of you might see this as a contradiction, but really it’s not. Men have different stages that they need to go through in life; and sometimes one of the stages might last longer then all the other ones. Here are the stages:

-Stage I: the need to get that first piece of action (loss of virginity)

-Stage II: The need to hit it off with anyone that reciprocates interest

-Stage III: The need to get your action but still be on the lookout for that “someone”

-Stage IV: The need to settle down

Public service announcement: I have no psychological or sociological background to actually back this stuff up. These are my thoughts and ideas based on my life experience and that of the people that I know. Shall we proceed?

Stage I and II are pretty obvious and therefore do not require any explanation. Stage III however does. After a while of getting all the action he can get, the man gets to a point where he might start to be on the lookout for a potential wifey type. He’s not necessarily looking for her, but he’s keeping his eyes peeled. So he might hit the cluhb with his boys, sip a few drinks at a get together or house party and bring the occasional random stranger home every now and then; but the thought of this lifestyle going on forever just doesn’t seem that appealing. It’s like a video game junkie realizing that his video game playing is interfering with other facets of his life. He still plays video games and might start to search for ways to “cure his addiction” in order to become more productive all the while still playing his share of video games.

Stage IV though is normally when men need to settle down. The game of numbers has worn them down. No longer are they able to carry on with bringing women home and then kicking them out after the action. No longer are they able to go to a random woman’s home and then get kicked out after a nut. The endless amount of phone calls from a bunch if different people pulling them in several different directions no longer offers much fun. It’s become played out. For some it may come early in life, but for most men it tends to come fairly late. Do not be fooled though, a man that has screwed up the steps might go backwards. For instance, if he went from Stage I directly to Stage IV, he might at some point in time ponder Step II. See at the end of the day, we all want quality. However, quantity might overshadow that every now and then because that’s what we as a society have come to expect. Go look at a rap video and then listen to the lyrics. The emphasis is all about how many you can get and if you have to spend money to get them. To be fair though, some people can tickle that spot for you right you need it tickled but are too dumb or stuck on themselves for you to want to spend any additional time with them. Somewhere along the way, it became real cool to hook up with a bunch of honeys and not try to actually get to know them. As a result, deservedly or not, women now bear the weight of trying to showcase themselves as women that are worth going to stage III or IV. Men don’t need to do that; know why? At a young age, we already understood that we were auditioning to be the best, we just never knew for who….

Video Game Update

I won’t say that I play video games religiously, but I enjoy getting my game on. Those that know me know that for the most part I tend to stick to sports games for the most part (basketball and football) and also games involving comic book figures. So if that works for you, well I got a little news for you (nothing big). Before you start asking, I used to have an XBOX 360, but after getting the ring of death at two separate occasions, I decided to drop it and migrate to the Playstation 3. No regrets so far. If you want to find me online to play and talk trash, my gamer tag is Shyne4. But please be warned: I’m fairly average in terms of head to head competition, so I tend to shy away from head to head match ups. Quite truthfully, there are only two people that have played against me head to head; Philly and Superstar. The rest of my peeps think it’s an urban legend because they have never seen me go one on one. I much prefer just participating to talk smack. So with that said, let me give you guys my updates.

*I have been playing Madden since its release date (August 14) and it pains me to say this: the Indianapolis Colts (team I follow) will probably suck this year. The defense is mediocre at best. Great pass rushing defensive ends, terrible defensive tackles, invisible linebackers, decent corners and great safeties that happen to be injury prone. Mind you, my point was not to get into a rant about the Colts,. I went online today and got my roster updated. Brett Favre (rating 82) has already been added to the Vikings and Michael Vick (rating 73) has been added to the Philadelphia Eagles. The game itself is very very very good. They toned down the speed so that it looks a little more like its game speed. Nevertheless. The guys that fly down the field still do so with ease. In addition, we now see referees confer with one another to discuss if a play is a Touchdown or not when the play is really close. I’ve also observed that the offensive lines now lay better as a unit. They cover quite well for one another on passing plays. On rushing plays though, bad offensive linemen will get your running back killed. Like I said, this is merely a quick update, not too much detail here; I might give out some more in the future but that’s it for now.

*I was able to get the demo of the new Batman game set to come out on August 25th: Arkham Asylum. I wasn’t expecting too much from the game quite frankly but after having gone through the demo, I came away impressed with the game. Essentially, you’re playing as Batman in a Metal Gear setting. So you get to kick ass and then search for clues and how to find the Joker. The prince clown has purposely let Batman catch him and deliver him to the criminal mental institution with the intent to trap him there. Once he is delivered,, the institution goes into lockdown mode. As Batman, you must defeat the inmates within the asylum and then eventually catch the Joker. Batman is blessed with amazing detective skills in the game. By pressing the L2 button, you get engaged into detective mode where your sense become more heightened. This allows you to notice clues, objects that have recently been moved, the level of stress of people in a room with you and how to escape a situation. Batman even does the Spider-Man move where he hangs upside down from certain objects that are elevated. Keep in mind, I have only played the demo but still feel confident in recommending this game for your enjoyment.

Scattered Thoughts

* Back in September 2007, I met B. Little did I know, B would have a huge influence on me. B and I never spoke on the phone. Every now and then, we would talk whenever we met up but there was nothing ever really serious. I mean, I had little interest in her, she was just there for me to occupy my time every now and then whenever I got bored. But then B and I started spending more and more time together and we slowly realized how much we had in common. B loved football as much as I did. Hell, B could never get enough of the NFL on Sundays and that struck home with me. In addition, she was a huge NBA fan and saw the game pretty much the same way I saw it. So we started chilling together. I eventually took an interest into her, and started to get to know things about her. She loved the color blue and had recently lost her family. She had been separated from them a few months before. She felt it was better that way because they often fought for attention with her siblings. As we spent time together, I eventually realized that her and I were one. She would complete my phrases and always knew how to get my attention. I once introduced her to Philly and even he spent some time with B., although it was fairly short. He would talk to her at times and then she would get me and him together to collaborate on some things that seemed interesting at the time. Can anyone guess who B. is? Think about it, read it again and then give your answer. B. is none other then my Bic writing pen.

*Mike Vick has chosen to sign with the Philadelphia Eagles in what might be the worst and best situation for him at the same time. Donovan McNabb gets injured practically every year; so this might allow Vick to get perhaps a start or two to show what he can do. The problem with that though, is he could end up being really really good for those starts which would cause a huge quarterback controversy. In addition, Philadelphia is probably the toughest sports town in the United States. Vick had issues once with the Atlanta crowd once after they booed him after a bad performance. After that given game, Vick went Stone Cold Steve Austin on the crowd and flashed his middle finger on them. Is that really the dude that the Eagles want playing in the city of brotherly love? Those are the issues that the Philadelphia Eagles should have considered before signing Vick. And one last thing, McNabb has been loyal to a fault to the organization; and has actually endorsed the signing. McNabb went as far as to say that Vick was no threat to him and that he lobbied for the team to get him. The city of Philadelphia has at several occasions voiced their frustrations about McNabb; but what happens if Vick outplays him in a game or two? What if he feels as though they are trying to push him out in favor of the new kid on the block that just left a cell block? Several questions, few answers or now.

*It would seem that some people didn’t like the piece I wrote entitled “Mistake that women make”. Apparently some women felt as though I was taking shots at them. That’s certainly one to look at it; but I would rather say that I am just passing along the knowledge. There are times that you need someone to enlighten you on things that you might not want to hear. For instance, everything I’ve heard about R. Kelly suggest that he’s surrounded by a bunch of yes men; hence his crew does not always tell him the truth on things. They just keep agreeing with him and tell him he’s fly. Now I’m not saying it would have changed something, but had his boys told him that his jailbait activities were a little shady and weird; it might have caught his attention. Maybe. Well that’s my role ladies and gentlemen. Maybe I can have a small impact on what you do.

*It would seem that I have to school some of you on certain urban culture definitions; not because you guys are ignorant, but rather because certain words evolve over time into a new meaning while some of you still associate these words to their old meaning. Just a few words, nothing big or earth shattering:

-Player: Used to mean a person that played games and hooked up with multiple partners all the while disguising it and looking as though he was in a monogamist relationship. Today the word player just means “dude”.
Example – Jimmy: “Who’s that light skin brother over there?”
Louis: “Ah, he just a player from the South.”

-Player hating: Now means hating on a dude.

-“Quand qu’on fait les affaires?”: That’s a French phrase that if translated word means “when are we going to do business?”. Well when a Montreal Haitian asks you that question, he’s asking you when you plan on having him meet your friend with the last name Nanny and first name Pu.

-We need to talk: If a woman says it, it means run fellas; you done screwed up. If a dude says it, it sounds like a serious conversation is coming up, but it’s usually nothing big.

That’s it for the educational part of my Scattered Thoughts this week.

*Sley sent me an email the other day mentioning that the Silverback Gorillas season was approaching. It’s crazy because that thought didn’t cross my mind until he mentioned it. SBG will be back on the court in about a month and half peoples. Get ready to come watch us play. By the way, Sley also asked me if we would be holding tryouts. It’s quite possible that one of our players might opt for free agency instead of signing back with the Gorillas. So with that said, we might actually be in recruit mode. Heck, Philly and I just decided 10 minutes ago that we were going to hold out before training camp. We’re like NBA 2K characters, our morale has gone down we now want to be traded. The only problem with that is that once training camp opens and we don’t get any offers; we will probably direct our attention right back to the SBG. All jokes aside, if you’re interested in playing for the Gorillas, give me a shout, and we will try to have one or possibly a few scrimmages where we include you and give you a shot. It’s not always easy to catch on with a team of guys you like to play with. So gives a shot, and we’ll give you a shot; might work out for the best.

*Next status update: “Shyne will be Madden surfing in a few”.

* “It must be the ganja, it’s the marijuana that’s creepin on me why I’m so high…”
That’s a track by Slim Shady dedicated to Stephon Marbury. If you thought you had seen it all with Steph (you know, the crying on webcam and then eating vaseine on webcam), well now he’s adding to his breakdown masterpiece. Marbury was spotted by TMZ smoking weed in the streets. At this point, I have to wonder if he’s losing his mind, or he’s just playing us for fools and has this master plan that he’s concocted. Marbury doesn’t strike as being that smart, but who am I to judge?

*This past Saturday, I had the privilege to attend Philly’s engagement party. It was off the hook. A lot of food, a lot of music and a lot of fun. The family was in full effect cracking jokes and being loud (usual Haitian behavior). Around 11pm, the party slowly but surely shifted into SBG mode. Superstar decided to rock all the old school tracks. We heard some Bobby Brown, some Boyz II Men (Motown Philly, not the slow type) and also some Crystal Waters. Superstar was all over the dance floor, reciting the lines form each and every song and dropping all the dance moves form the 90’s. And then, Superstar went into “Saturday Night BET movie night” mode when he dropped the track Tastes like Honey and then started the Electric Slide. Unfortunately, SBGTV was not on the scene to catch every moment but the memories will live on.

*Status update: “Shyne is about to say Gucci…”

*Gucci

*I have this theory that I have shared numerous times with some my friends and acquaintances: It’s not a great party unless there is an altercation. And although minute in its stature, yours truly got into some heated words with my drunk great uncle. Long story short, he said some ish that I wasn’t feeling and the black in me was cool enough to find Philly and have us separated. Let’s be real though, the dude’s my uncle, it’s not like I would have taken a swing at him (unless a few more words had come out of his mouth) but I sure felt like it. But the main point I was trying to make, black people are rowdy.


* I was talking to Supreme last week and he mentioned that he got into a debate with his friend Sean. Now I am not close to Sean but I know him and we give each other dap whenever we see each other. I have played basketball with him and respect the man’s intellect. He knows basketball. He watches games and understands what’s happening on the court; he’s not one of those dudes that just watches ball and gets surprised with what happens on the court from a tactical standpoint. Now with that said, it would seem that Sean was arguing that Big Shot Bobby (Robert Horry) should be in the Hall of Fame for his contributions and clutch performances to seven championship teams. A few years back, I actually thought the same thing but my stance on the matter progressively changed. My main problem with putting Horry in the Hall of Fame is this: we’re saying that he is on the same level as players such as Wilt, Russel, Bird, Magic, Kareem, Dr. J, Moses Malone, Karl Malone, Jerry West, Charles Barkley, Oscar Robertson, Kevin McHale, James Worthy, Hakeem Olajuwon, Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant, Scottie Pippen and obviously the GOAT (short for Greatest Of All Time). But on the other hand, Big Shot Bobby has more titles then #23. So does Sean have a valid point? Glad you asked. Let’s break it down SBG style and find out.

What are your memories of Robert Horry’s playing days with the Phoenix Suns? People forget that Horry was once traded to Phoenix. During his time there, he was a decent player but did not provide that team with much. On the other hand, he did win rings with the Houston Rockets, the Los Angeles Lakers and the San Antonio Spurs. Here’s a quick look at Big Shot’s clutch performances (compiled by Wikipedia):

-May 22, 1995 Western Conference Finals Game 1 Houston Rockets at San Antonio Spurs
Horry nailed a jumper with 6.5 seconds left to give Houston a 94–93 win over San Antonio in front of over 35,000 at the Alamodome.[11]
-June 11, 1995 NBA Finals Game 3 Orlando Magic at Houston Rockets
With Houston up by one with 14 seconds left and the shot clock winding down, Hakeem Olajuwon kicked a pass out to Horry, who launched a three over Orlando's Horace Grant, propelling the Rockets to a 106–103 victory and a 3–0 series lead on the way to a sweep and back-to-back NBA titles.[12]
-May 6, 1997 Western Conference Semifinals Game 2 Los Angeles Lakers at Utah Jazz
Horry drained all seven of his three-point shots. However, this proved to be not enough as the Lakers lost Game 2 103–101 and ultimately the series 4–1.[12]
-June 10, 2001 NBA Finals Game 3 Los Angeles Lakers at Philadelphia 76ers
With the series tied at 1–1, the Sixers were within one point with under a minute to play and with Shaquille O'Neal on the bench having fouled out for the Lakers. Brian Shaw found Horry in the corner and he drilled the three with 47.1 seconds left to give the Lakers what proved to be an insurmountable four-point lead. The Sixers never recovered.[12]
-April 28, 2002 Western Conference First Round Game 3 Los Angeles Lakers at Portland Trail Blazers
Down by two with 10.2 seconds left, Kobe Bryant drove on Ruben Patterson and kicked the ball to Horry, who hit a game-winning three.[12]
-May 26, 2002 Western Conference Finals Game 4 Sacramento Kings at Los Angeles Lakers
The Kings led 99–97 with two seconds left when center Vlade Divac knocked the ball out of the paint after Shaquille O'Neal missed a putback layup. The ball came to Horry, who launched a game-winning three-pointer as time expired to give the Lakers a 100–99 victory. Instead of going back to Sacramento down 1-3, the shot tied the series at 2-2 and allowed the Lakers to defeat the Kings in 7 games on their way to a third straight championship.[12]
-June 19, 2005 NBA Finals Game 5 San Antonio Spurs at Detroit Pistons
Horry inbounded the ball to Manu Ginóbili who was cornered by two Pistons defenders. Ginobili returned the ball to Horry on the left wing, who then hit a three-pointer with 5.9 seconds left to give the San Antonio Spurs a 96–95 victory and a 3–2 series lead heading into Game 6. Horry scored 21 points in fourth quarter and overtime to carry the struggling Spurs. [12]
-April 30, 2007 Western Conference First Round Game 4 San Antonio Spurs at Denver Nuggets
The Spurs led by one with 30 seconds left when Horry hit a game-securing three-point shot, handing the Spurs their fifth straight playoff victory in Denver.


So the man knows how to make big shots. However, does that make him Hall of Fame worthy? When inducting players into the Hall, the voters usually look at how what you did during your era and your contributions to winning. For instance, James Worthy was one of the marquee small forwards of the 80’s and contributed to multiple Lakers championships; therefore he was granted access to the Hall. So what’s the one obstacle in this case for Big Shot’s case? He’s never really even been one of the top four players on his own team. The guys that make it into the Hall, are guys that were incredibly good and one of the top players at their position in the league. Let’s sift through Horry’s career. Look at the top fours on his championship teams.

Houston Rockets:
Hakeem Olajuwon
Clyde Drexler (one year)
Vernon Maxwell
Kenny Smith
Otis Thorpe

Los Angeles Lakers
Shaquille O’Neal
Kobe Bryant
Glen Rice (one year)
Derek Fisher
Ron Harper

San Antonio Spurs
Tim Duncan
Manu Ginobili
Tony Parker
Michael Finley

See, Big Shot Bobby doesn’t make the cut on any of his own teams. I would have a tough time giving a player HOF status if he wasn’t one of the truly best players of his generation. That being said, I still have not convinced myself completely. Let’s look deeper.

If chosen, giving access to Robert Horry to the prestigious Hall of Fame causes one big problem: it sets a precedent. Think about these names: Bill Cartwright, John Paxson, Vernon Maxwell, Sam Cassel, Kenny Smith, Luc Longley, Steve Kerr, A.C. Green, Ron Harper, Derek Fisher and Glen Rice. Are any of these players worthy of a spot in the Hall of Fame? The players currently in the Hall would probably answer with a song from the South: “Bitch n*gga you can neva eva, neva eva, neva eva get on my level”. And by giving a spot to Big Shot, we would have to consider the possibility of the previously mentioned players making the Hall as well. You see, to me (I repeat, to me, as in my own interpretation) the Hall of Fame is about the best players to have ever lived. When I look at players such as Dominique Wilkins, Scottie Pippen, Hakeem Olajuwon and Magic Johnson to name a few, I know I am looking at some of the greatest talents that have ever lived. These guys could do it all, and did it at a high level for a sustained amount of time in big pressure situations; whereas Robert Horry had some spurts of success. Still not convinced, let me use the comparison that Bill Simmons from ESPN used. If you were to make a Hall of Fame of the best rappers ever; we would probably have the likes of Tupac, Biggie, Nas, Jay-Z, Dr. Dre, Outkast, Eminem, Rakim, LL Cool J, the whole Wu-Tang Clan and another list of names attached to that list. My question to you: does Nate Dogg make the cut? Hell no, right? Because Nate Dogg is a guy that you line up with other great rappers and just ask him to do a chorus or a few good sounds like Ooh and Ahh. I can’t tell you what solo hit songs Nate Dogg has recorded because I have no clue. But off the top of my head, I know of hits such as:
-Oh No by Talib Kweli
-21 Questions by 50 Cent
-Area Codes by Ludacris
-Bitch please by Dr. Dre
-Regulate by Warren G
-Xxplosive by Dr. Dre
-F*ck You by Dr. Dre

All of those songs have one thing in common; Nate Dogg’s name preceded by “ft” (short for featuring). The guy is a good complimentary role player; nothing more, nothing less. He has been fortunate enough to play with three bonafide Hall of Fame centers (Olajuwon, O’Neal, Duncan) who have put him in a position to take those shots without fearing failure. Do remember, Big Shot was opened in those moments in most instances because his man was double teaming someone; and in addition, Horry would never have been pegged as the goat if he missed; that goes to the stars. For instance, back in 2003, in game 5 at San Antonio, Robert Horry missed a wide open three that would have resulted in the Lakers taking a 3-2 lead in the series. Instead, the Lakers lost and were eventually eliminated, but those moments never get much air time. That’s the beauty of being Big Shot Bob, your heroics are remembered but your blunders are tucked away where no one can remember them.

But in conclusion, the whole debate can be summed up with one question: are you comfortable mentioning Robert Horry in the same breath as Wilt, Hakeem, Shaq and Mike? Because putting him in the HOF puts him in conversations with those players. From my standpoint, I don’t feel comfortable putting him there.

*Last status update: “Shyne’s Ipod roation coming up…..”


Shyne’s Ipod rotation
Cut You Loose – Slaughterhouse
Sound Off – Slaughterhouse
Must be the Ganja – Eminem
Onslaught 2 – Slaughterhouse
I’m Paranoid – 50 Cent
Redrum – 50 Cent
I’ll do anything – 50 Cent
Chagrin Criminel – Carimi
State of You – Joe Budden
Good Enough – Joe Budden
What’s Your Name – Usher ft Will I Am
Obsessed – Mariah Carey ft Gucci Mane
Something – Drake
Player – Carimi
Lyrical Murderers – Slaughterhouse
100% - Big Pun
The Glory – Kanye West

Mistake that women make

In my last Scattered Thoughts piece, I briefly touched on Steve Harvey’s book Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man. Harvey essentially gives women a playbook to follow in order to entertain better relationships with men. Now I grabbed the book and was pretty skeptical about it, but the dude speaks the truth. Although I might not agree with all of what he says, I must admit the man knows how to spit game. Now before I proceed, I must offer a disclaimer. Several men might know be in accordance with what I am about to say, so this is your chance to get out early from this read. Just know, you have been warned.

The main message that Steve Harvey keeps preaching is that women that have issues with men have them because they fail to outline their standards early on in their encounters with men. For instance, you start a new job tomorrow as a write for the show How I Met Your Mother; the people that produce the show will provide you with ample details on their expectations and their standards. They might tell you that this is the best sitcom on television on Monday nights and that you better not screw that up. In addition, you are required to make Ted Mosby (played by Josh Radnor) seem like an overall good guy that just can’t find the right one, but is slowly getting closer. And then, the biggest expectation is that Barney Stinson (played by Neil Patrick Harris) must average three awesome moments/scenes per episode. That make sense? Just in case some of you are still unclear, here’s another illustration. NFL training camp as already started. Now if you were part of the training camp of the Indianapolis Colts, the organization will expect you to conduct yourself as an ambassador of the game and the team in every facet of your life (whether it’s fair not, that’s the standard). On the flip side, if you are part of the Cincinnati Bengals, it really does not matter how you conduct yourself outside the stadium and off the field; just make sure you show up for practice and for games on Sunday. Different teams, different standards. But they are clearly outlined from the get go. Now women and men? It should be just about the same, but yet it’s perceived as a completely different ball game. But the same still holds true. If women were more willing to lay out their standards with men, they would spend less time jumping from one relationship to another. Instead, they would get rid of the pretenders fairly early in their encounters. Quite simply women, all you have to do is set the stage for the man and watch him perform. Can he meet those demands or not? Will he be willing to spend time with you, give you flowers every now and then, open car doors for you or give you an occasional hug? These are things that should be made clear from the beginning. That being said, I’m a dude and I know how things go. If the guy just wants to hook up with you because you are a hot one, well he might be willing to jump as high as you want him to until you give up the goods. Some guys are just good at fooling people. Hell, Rafer Alston (NBA player and NYC playground legend) got traded a few times because he fooled people into believing he was a quality starting point guard in the NBA. But once those teams got a hold of him, they realized he was unable to give the ball to stars such as Ray Allen, Glen Robinson (yup, the Big Dog used to be considered a star),Vince Carter, Chris Bosh, Tracy McGrady, Yao Ming and most recently Dwight Howard. Now how do you avoid falling into that trap? At this point you pretty much have to read the book; but I’ll sum it up for you with a line I had previously used in my Booty Call Guidelines: Don’t hate the player, hate yourself for putting out.

But in the same breath fellas, you guys need to step your game up as well. Women are supposed to be have standards but so are men. This Russian roulette game you guys keep playing when you go out to cluhbs (for people that come around often to the blog, clubs is purposely spelled with an “h” to reflect the Chris Rock pronunciation) is only good when it comes to amassing Mick Jagger numbers. Not sure what game I’m talking about? Let me help you all out. The game of Russian roulette involves putting a bullet in a gun, spinning the barrel, holding the gun to your head and then pulling the trigger. Maybe the bullet fires out or maybe you got lucky and the bullet wasn’t in the right hole. Well, there is a fair amount of men that do exactly the same thing when they hit the club.; except they do it with women. You give yourself little to no standards and try to hook up with the every woman in the club. Some of them reject you and then you find the bullet. That unattractive woman that all the men from the 514, 416, 212, 718, 310, 415 and 905 area codes have hooked up with. She’s gotten so much action, that on the “Area Codes” remix that will come out in about two years, the song title will be changed to her name. That my friends, is called Russian roulette. Guys are so sure that their game is tight that they will at times hook up with anyone. More often then not, those are the stalkers, the crazy women and the women that are so nasty that their STDs have STDs. Quit playing yourselves dudes, quality over quantity. There was a time that Allen Iverson would get 30 points per game while taking all the shots on the team (several of those shots were terrible ones); and he has no championship ring to show for it. Kobe Bryant on the hand has learned to at times pass up some bad shots in favor of some higher percentage ones. Kobe Bryant just won his fourth championship ring this past June. Hate it or love it, the don of dons is on top...

Scattered Thoughts (revised and fixed)

* Women and men alike are fundamentally different.  We all know this. And yet, often we get sucked into petty arguments because we forget just how different we are. For instance, men have been conditioned to think that a big breasted lady that is wearing an extremely revealing top is doing so because she craves attention. Although true in some instances, that logic is quite flawed. Where men typically utilize a logical line of thinking (to them), women go more by feel.  For instance, Richard might have a date with Jezzebel on Saturday at 3:00 pm which will involve walking around the boat ports. Saturday afternoon, around 1:00 pm, Richard realizes there is an insane amount of heat outside. Consequently, he decides to rock his blue jean shorts, Air Force One’s and a throwback Wilt Chamberlain jersey (which probably means Richard is going for a record tonight if you know what I mean). Jezzebel on the other hand, has this new pair of high heels that she’s been dying to wear to go along with a short black skirt and white tank top.  Richard understands that he will be walking around in hot weather, and therefore chooses clothes that will not store heat and also allow him to be comfortable while walking. Jezzebel on the other hand, will be walking around but chose a pair of high heels that she has not yet broken in. Consequently, the walking will not last long because Jezzebel’s feet will hurt like crazy. She went by feel whereas Richard went by logic. Hence, men and women will always be destined to argue unless….

* Believe or not, women read a ton of books and magazines to better grasp the male species. They think that we are so complicated, that they need expert advice from a magazine columnist (which more often then not is a woman) to teach them how to conquer us. And you know what? That expert advice usually makes things worse. Women fill out a quiz in a magazine and the results might say something like this:

-60-80 points: he only wants to casually hit it with you

-80-100 points: he will never respect you

-100-120 points: you think he loves you, but he doesn’t

-120-140 points: yes he’s your boyfriend but he might be cheating on you

How’s that for a quiz? And women actually really dig these magazines. But one dude actually got the secret formula. Comedian Steve Harvey figured things out. Dude does not have any degree in psychology or women studies but yet wrote a book titled Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man. He breaks down the simplicity of men to woman. I am currently in the process of reading the book (if you want to know what she knows, read what she reads is what tell myself these days) and will fill you I with details as I progress in the book.

* Silverbacks, we have a problem. It would seem that some of you have failed to be properly educated during your youths. Because of that, some of you might feel somewhat ignorant or might not even realize how much you are missing out. For instance, you cannot invite a Muslim over to your house and cook pork for that person to eat. That’s only logical. In the same breath, you cannot, I repeat cannot listen to any stand up shows, comedy shows and even to a certain extent Hip Hop without having listened to Eddy Murphy’s Raw and Delirious stand up shows. You people are missing out. For instance, in Jay-Z’s “Girls, Girls, Girls” song, there is a pointed reference in their about the woman taking half your money; that’s from Ed’s stand up show. Making fun of the stereotypes associated with the races of people (and being funny about it), Ed didn’t invent that, but he perfected it. Hell, there is no way in hell that we can have a Rick James skit on Chappelle’s Show if not for Charlie Murphy being Eddy Murphy’s brother. So please cop those two shows and watch them. Hell, if you are unable to find them, drop me a line and I will gladly help you secure your copies. I mean after all, we all need some knowledge sprinkled in with a few laughs right?

*Sley shares with us his Marilyn Moment:

“My humbling experience happened in NYC during summertime around the age of 12-13 years old. My cousin was pumping EPMD and LL Cool J and I was fresh of the Rabeau Bus from MTL. Mind you my Big Brother/Cousin is 8 years my senior, so dude was kind enough to bring me to some Queens Borough cookout. So we get there and chill and all, and I see this fine little senorita called Princess (Yes her real name was Princess!!!). I saw girly girl was looking, so I took a shot of Hawaiian Punch and took a chance to relate with home girl. Mind you at that time my game was sort of shaky and quite awkward, so I approached and talked to her and all, but shorty was mad cold and blunt. Around 12-13 years old, rejection is like getting slapped, so I felt vexed and disrespected big time. While taking the walk of shame back to my cuz's location, he asked me what happened and I related and he sat me down and said: "Why you mad punk?" Girls got a right to say no! But just because she said negative to your attempt, don't mean she won't say affirmative later on Bro! He basically told me fronting is the name of the game..It's not always easy baby! So back at the cookout, I enjoyed it to the max while listening to MJB took my first taste of Ol' English....on some New York Sh*T!!!”

 * A female perspective on bachelor parties by Leila:

Summer is almost over any yet the wedding season is still in full bloom, and while most women suffer the Cinderella complex with dreams of the perfect wedding, their men are just as excited about a little party the night before. So what happens on that magical night where even the best of men gets a little crooked and all hell breaks loose? 

I'm 24, never been married, have no married friends, and therefore have never been part of  bachelor event (except for the occasional run in with drunk men in wigs, ass bare, asking to 

be spanked on their last day of freedom), however I did spend a few years working with a group of talented ladies, the select few who are allowed in on the secret rituals of the famed bachelor party; and before this goes any further, one question must be asked: why do so many men consider their last night before the wedding as a carte blanche for cheating?

Before I offend those of you who never slipped a ten down a woman's thong or got an eye full of her shaking behind, let me tell you a little story. Three women worked the massage parlor by day and danced by night and between those two jobs they have seen more cheating husbands than at Hugh Hefner's bunny mansion. It starts innocently enough, one guy in the group insists that it’s not a bachelor party without someone getting a lap dance and before you know it breasts are flying around and you, as the groom to be, are tied to a chair while one of the famed ladies licks God knows what off of Gods knows where. Next thing you know her panties are gone and yours are half way there. No need to deny it. I know. During the summer nights when the massage parlor stays open past midnight, men might stumble in, acting confused as to where they are, saying such lies as "I'm new to this...This is my first time...I can touch what?” And yet, within a minute they become experts at deciding what they want, where and for how much. The most in demand bachelor treat seems to be the Thai massage (for those of you with pure minds, a Thai massage includes an almost bare woman getting on top of an equally bare man and rubbing whatever they have against each other), now there's a party favor you wont find at the wedding.

One thing I don't understand is the need to include your family, or family to be, in those peculiar events. Cherry, one of the three ladies working the massage parlor, was hired for a private party where she ran into an old boyfriend of hers. He was the groom's brother and while she had no qualms about dancing for the man she used to party with on her own, she did feel more that a little awkward when her ex's father started feeling her up! Some things should not remain in the family. So much goes on at a bachelor party, that sometimes you have to ask yourself if the bride isn’t better off drugging the groom and eloping to Vegas, at least there they can both enjoy the sex, drugs and rock'n roll, and if he cheats I think hitmen are also easier to come by.

*Never a good sign when the home fans boo you in the first open practice of the year. Projected starting quarterback Kyle Orton was heavily booed at a Denver Broncos practice. Apparently he missed opened receivers in the end zone, got picked off twice and had several balls batted down by defenders. Good thing Josh McDaniel knew what he was doing when he decided to unsuccessfully try to trade Jay Cutler and then word got out. He had a talented quarterback that he completely rubbed the wrong way. The end result? Hometown fans are already booing the current quarterback and he has yet to throw a pass for the Broncos in a regular season game. Good luck.

*Remember a few months ago I wrote about m man crush list”? I mentioned in there that white American males have a thing for Tom Brady. Well, on last night’s episode of Entourage, Tom made an appearance with Mark Whalberg. One dude was on Tom’s jock. Can you guess who? Only one way to find out. Peep the episode.

* “Got to get tough, GO JOE!” I watched G.I. Joe yesterday and thought the movie was cool. The story is cool and so is the action. They even gave Snake Eyes all the attributes of a black guy (in his suit obviously) just like in the cartoons; but I hate to break the news to my fellow brethren, but Snake Eyes is a white dude. I know, black people probably feel like we lost someone. But then again, if we redo Dave Chappelle’s racial draft, we can have Eminem and Snake Eyes. But then again, we also got stuck with O.J. Simpson in that same draft. DAMN!

* “I don't follow any guidelines cause too many n*ggaz ride mine, so I change styles every two rhymes.” It’s been 13 years since the self proclaimed God MC drops his first album. The first track on Reasonable doubt was Can’t Knock the Hustle. I remember bumping that beat in high school and just feelin it. But today is a new day and Brooklyn’s finest has decided to grace us with another album in his coming of age when September hits. I wonder if he will be taking shots at The Game on this new LP; because we all know that friend or foe, S 

dot will not hesitate to put your name in one of his songs. Politics as usual I guess. One thing’s for sure though, ain’t no n*gga that can bring it on quite like Jay can. Whether he’s rapping about the D’Evils or 22 Two’s, he’s like Larenz Tate in the movie Dead Presidents, he will find a way to grab your attention and still make his money. That’s the thing when you’ve made a lot of money in your life, you’re programmed to have cashmere thoughts. By the way, the Reasonable Doubt album had 15 tracks on it, I just named 13 of them in this short paragraph. Think you can find them? Give it a shot. Let’s see how much of Jigga Man fan you are (unless your name is Supreme). So go on and let me be, Can I Live (that was the fourteenth track and the fifteenth one is Can I Live II)?

 

* Who is going to sign Allen Iverson? Training camps open  in about a month, and yet Iverson is still on the free agent market. He has yet to be signed. And the worse part? None of the contenders have any type of interest in AI. As good as he is as a basketball player, he is only at his best when he gets to play in an environment where he is the first, second, third, fourth and fifth option. Allen Iverson gives you a ton of isolations, dribbles and crossovers; but he also gets all of his teammates to stand around and watch.

 

* Those that know me well, know that I am a big Joe Budden fan. Jump Off Joey and I get along quite nicely when I am bumping his tracks. Consequently, when Joe decided to hook up with Royce da 5’9, Joel Ortiz and Crooked I to form the group Slaughterhouse, I became fan of the movement. Well ladies and gentlemen, the album hits stores on August 11. Obviously, the SBG blog has connects and was able to secure an advanced copy of the album, and it’s the bomb. The first track I heard on the album (besides “The One” which was the lead single on the album) was “Sound Off”; and boy that’s exactly what they do. Royce opens up the track explaining that Slaughterhouse is like Voltron and then proceeds to associate each group member to a body part of Voltron. I’m not saying you have to buy the album, but try to listen to some of the tracks.

* Yesterday, someone asked me for my list of top 5 current NFL receivers; and here’s who I gave him:

1. Larry Fitzgerald (remember, when you’re the best at what you do and your name is Larry, it is mandatory for people to call you Luh-Ry).

2. Consistency is a must, and boy does he give it to you.

3. Randy Moss still has the best vertical in the NFL and still has amazing speed; let’s se

e if can once again become the #1 target in the league with Tom Brady back.

4. Calvin Johnson is set to become either the next Moss or the next Luh-Ry. I’d say that makes him pretty good right?

5. I originally picked Plaxico Burress here because of his ability to stretch the field, catch the ball in traffic and catch balls where no one else can. Mind you Plax was out for a big stretch of the season after shooting himself in the leg. So instead, I went with big game receiver Steve Smith.

* Madden 10 is set to hit stores on August 14^th. I was hoping to be able to cop the game on the 13^th but turns out I will have it on the 14^th.  True gamers will all make it to stores to make sure they are able to purchase their copy. Hell, I’m getting giddy just typing about it. The 

guys in charge of Madden never disappoint. I tried not to pay too much attention to the changes in the game this year because I wanted to be surprised. However, one thing I picked up on is the new head movement feature. Basically, a receiver or defensive back actually has to have the time to turn his head around and see the ball to actually make a play on it. So that should be an intriguing addition; but I have not tried to look into any other updates. However, EA Sports has released the player ratings for each and every team. Here’s the top 20:

Name	Rating	Position
T. Polamalu	99	S
E. Reed	99	S
A. Haynesworth	99	DL
N. Asomugha	99	CB
L. Fitzgerald	99	WR
P. Manning	99	QB
P. Willis	98	LB
D. Ware	98	LB
T. Gonzalez	98	TE
S. Lechler	98	P
S. Hutchinson	98	OL
J. Allen	98	DL
A. Johnson	98	WR
J. Harrison	97	LB
R. Lewis	97	LB
J. Witten	97	TE
C. Snee	97	OL
M. Roos	97	OL
J. Thomas	97	OL
T. Richardson	97	FB
A. Faneca	97	OL
S. Smith	97	WR
J. Peppers	97	DL
A. Peterson	97	RB
K. Williams	97	DL
A. Wilson	97	S
T. Brady	97	QB

 

No real surprises there. However some of you might want to see the ratings for your favorite teams, well SBG gives you the proverbial hook up (only players with 90 or more overall rating):

 

AFC East

	Bills
Name	Rating	Position
M. Stroud	92	DL
T. Owens	91	WR

 

	Patriots
Name	Rating	Position
T. Brady	97	QB
R. Moss	96	WR
R. Seymour	95	DL
L. Mankins	94	OL
M. Light	92	OL
W. Welker	91	WR
D. Koppen	91	OL
V. Wilfork	90	DL
A. Thomas	90	LB

 

	Dolphins
Name	Rating	Position
J. Porter	94	LB
J. Long	91	OL

 

	Jets
Name	Rating	Position
T. Richardson	97	FB
A. Faneca	97	OL
K. Jenkins	95	DL
N. Mangold	94	OL
K. Rhodes	92	S
D. Revis	91	CB
T. Jones	90	RB
B. Scott	90	LB

 

AFC North

	Steelers
Name	Rating	Position
T. Polamalu	99	S
J. Harrison	97	LB
J. Farrior	95	LB
B. Roethlisberger	93	QB
C. Hampton	91	DL
A. Smith	91	DL
H. Ward	90	WR

 

	Ravens
Name	Rating	Position
E. Reed	99	S
R. Lewis	97	LB
L. McClain	92	FB
H. Ngata	90	DL
T. Suggs	90	LB

 

	Browns
Name	Rating	Position
J. Thomas	97	OL
E. Steinbach	93	OL
S. Rogers	92	DL

 

	Bengals
Name	Rating	Position
C. Ochocinco	89	WR

 

AFC West

	Broncos
Name	Rating	Position
C. Bailey	96	CB
B. Marshall	92	WR
B. Dawkins	92	S

 

	Raiders
Name	Rating	Position
N. Asomugha	99	CB
S. Lechler	98	P
L. Neal	91	FB

 

	Chargers
Name	Rating	Position
A. Gates	95	TE
L. Tomlinson	94	RB
J. Williams	93	DL
M. Scifres	93	P
K. Dielman	92	OL
N. Kaeding	91	K

 

	Chiefs
Name	Rating	Position
B. Waters	94	OL

 

 

AFC South

	Titans
Name	Rating	Position
M. Roos	97	OL
R. Bironas	96	K
K. Mawae	95	OL
K. Bulluck	95	LB
M. Griffin	95	S
D. Stewart	92	OL
C. Finnegan	92	CB
C. Hope	92	S

 

	Texans
Name	Rating	Position
A. Johnson	98	WR
M. Williams	95	DL

 

	Jaguars
Name	Rating	Position
R. Mathis	93	CB
G. Jones	90	FB

 

	Colts
Name	Rating	Position
P. Manning	99	QB
R. Wayne	95	WR
B. Sanders	95	S
D. Freeney	94	DL
J. Saturday	93	OL
R. Mathis	92	DL
D. Clark	91	TE

 

 

NFC East

	Redskins
Name	Rating	Position
A. Haynesworth	99	DL
C. Portis	93	HB
C. Samuels	93	OL
C. Cooley	91	TE

 

	Cowboys
Name	Rating	Position
D. Ware	98	LB
J. Witten	97	TE
M. McBriar	95	P
A. Gurode	93	OL
L. Davis	92	OL

 

	Giants
Name	Rating	Position
C. Snee	97	OL
J. Tuck	95	DL
O. Umenyori	94	DL
S. O'Hara	91	OL
B. Jacobs	90	RB
C. Webster	90	CB

 

	Eagles
Name	Rating	Position
J. Peters	95	OL
A. Samuel	95	CB
B. Westbook	94	HB
S. Andrews	92	OL
T. Cole	91	DL
D. McNabb	90	QB

 

 

NFC North

	Lions
Name	Rating	Position
J. Hanson	95	K
C. Johnson	92	WR
J. Peterson	90	LB

 

	Vikings
Name	Rating	Position
S. Hutchinson	98	OL
J. Allen	98	DL
A. Peterson	97	RB
K. Williams	97	DL
P. Williams	91	DL
B. McKinnie	90	OL

 

	Bears
Name	Rating	Position
L. Briggs	95	LB
B. Urlacher	94	LB
R. Gould	94	K
T. Harris	92	DL

 

	Packers
Name	Rating	Position
A. Kampman	93	LB
C. Woodson	93	CB
N. Collins	93	S
G. Jennings	90	WR
A. Harris	90	CB

NFC South

	Falcons
Name	Rating	Position
T. Gonzalez	98	TE
M. Turner	95	RB
J. Abraham	95	DL
R. White	93	WR
J. Elam	92	K

 

	Panthers
Name	Rating	Position
S. Smith	97	WR
J. Peppers	97	DL
J. Gross	95	OL
D. Williams	94	RB
J. Beason	92	LB
J. Kasey	91	K

 

 

	Saints
Name	Rating	Position
D. Brees	96	QB
J. Brown	93	OL

 

 

	Bucs
Name	Rating	Position
D. Joseph	93	OL
K. Winslow	90	TE

 

 

NFC West

	Rams
Name	Rating	Position
S. Jackson	92	RB
J. Brown	90	OL
O. Atogwe	90	S
K. Brown	90	K

 

	Cardinals
Name	Rating	Position
L. Fitzgerald	99	WR
A. Wilson	97	S
K. Warner	94	QB
A. Boldin	94	WR
D. Dockett	94	DL

 

	49ers
Name	Rating	Position
P. Willis	98	LB
A. Lee	92	P
F. Gore	91	RB

 

	Seahawks
Name	Rating	Position
W. Jones	94	OL
P. Kerney	93	DL
TJ Houshmanzadeh	91	WR
L. Tatupu	90	LB

 

 

 

 

* I had mentioned early on to Money that the show “How I Met Your Mother” was worth of a good look. People tend to get thrown off by the name of the show, thinking that it’s some type of romantic show in which some dude is just trying to court a woman with his gentleman qualities and what have you. Well people, nothing could be further from the truth. The lead character is Ted Mosby (played by Josh Radnor) who is a relationship whore (you know, the dude that’s always looking for relationships and keeps jumping from one relationship to another) seeking the woman of his dreams. Part of the reason that Ted is this way is because of his best friend Marshall (played by Jason Segel) is happily married to the woman of his dreams Lily (played by Alyson Flannigan). The guy that takes the show to a completely other level is Barney Stinson (played by Neil Patrick Harris). Barney is Ted’s self-proclaimed best friend and the ultimate man whore. Let’s check out his curriculum:

- hits on women he’s already slept with because he forgets he slept with them;

- when a crazy woman started to stalk him, he had 64 possible women in mind and therefore had to eliminate the women using an NCAA basketball tournament bracket to figure out which woman;

- always on the patrol whenever he is out of his home;

- Ted’s parents (divorced) came to visit at one point, and Ted’s father spent the night out with Barney, where both were each others wingmen;

-has slept with 200 women;

- in his apartment, Barney has one pillow, one bathrobe, one towel, no food  a retractable toilet seat that never stays down to make sure women feel unwelcomed in his apartment and thus always leave in the morning;

- once asked Marshall if he could sleep with Lily just to boost his record;

- Lily had left Marshall for a summer as the couple separated, and Barney tried to get Marshall out of his depression by having him hook up with a slew of hot girls, but the problem ended up being that whenever Barney approached women as a wingman to set up Marshall, he would end up being the lead guy and instead sleeping with the women himself; quite a wingman if you ask me.

That was the short version of Barney’s exploits; but needless to say, he is the complete opposite of Ted, and is always trying to get Ted to sleep around. I have gotten Money and several other people into the show; give it a look. It’s usually on every Monday night. As Barney would say, it’s LEGEN wait for it……DARY! While I have you here, let me do my moral duty and try to entice you a little more. First, go to Barneysvideoresume.com. While the video loads, Google the words Barney Stinson Blog.