Week 9 NFL Picks

Once the weekend approaches, we know that NFL Sunday is almost upon us. What does that mean here at the SBG? Your week 9 NFL Picks.

Tampa Bay (5-2) @ Atlanta (5-2)
Two weeks after calling his team the best of the NFC, Raheem Morris’ team will get a chance to prove their coach right. On paper, you would think the Buccaneers could potentially steal this game, but reality says otherwise. Tampa Bay has feasted on bad teams throughout the season and looked completely mediocre against the top teams in the NFL. This game will tell us if the Buccs have gotten better and if we can truly call the Falcons a legit NFC contender; and I think we can. The Falcons just have to go prove it on Sunday and I think they will.
Pick: Falcons win by 10.

Chicago (4-3) @ Buffalo (0-7)
The Bills are due peeps. Even though the game will be played on a neutral field (the game is being played in Toronto, and well people there do not care that much about the Bills), I think they will be able to get it done this weekend as long as they DON’T KICK IT TO DEVIN HESTER. I had to put that one in caps on the off chance that the Buffalo special teams coach is reading (not likely but at least I gave him a fair warning right?). So after weeks of watching the L column pile up faster than the NFL “illegal hits bank account”, Bills fans finally get to celebrate a win; even though they will be watching it on television.
Pick: Bills win by 3.

New England (6-1) @ Cleveland (2-5)
Are the Patriots the best team in NFL? Although they have a case, it’s a bit tough for me to give them the title. Have a quick look at the teams they’ve beaten so far this season: Cincinnati, Buffalo, San Diego, Minnesota, Miami and Baltimore.

New England has beaten the teams on their schedule but a case can be made that they’ve only defeated two legitimately good teams. Notwithstanding this week’s game, the next few weeks should tell us more about the Pats as a Super Bowl contender. Look at their schedule:
Week 10: @Pittsburgh
Week 11: Indianapolis
Week 13: NY Jets
Week 15: Green Bay
Week 17: Miami

In the meantime though, we can count on New England to keep beating up on bad teams like Cleveland.
Pick: Patriots win by 4.

NY Jets (5-2) @ Detroit (2-5)
The Jets blitzing ways will cost them at least once or twice in this game. They will attack Stafford and watch him throw one deep to Calvin Johnson who will come up with a long touchdown catch. Will Rex Ryan back off afterwards? Of course not! And that’s why the Jets will win this match up. The Lions have talent and are on the come up; but sometimes the team with the most swagger and most testosterone just finds ways to get things done. I expect the Lions to give gang green a scare early but to get outplayed as the game unfolds and the Jets flex their muscle.

Random observation: The Detroit Lions might be the closest thing we ever see to a real live Madden team. Have you ever played against a dude that knew his football but was fairly inexperienced at Madden? His playbook usually involves dropping back and sending his best receiver on go route and just chucking the ball deep to him until he finally catches one. Any of that sound familiar? It’s the Lions offense! They just throw that ball up to Calvin Johnson and watch him come down with it. If they happen to get close to the goal line, they might throw him a fade or send him through the middle to catch it between two defenders. Can that work at the All-Madden level? We find out this Sunday.
Pick: Jets win by 5.

New Orleans (5-3) @ Carolina (1-6)
The New Orleans Saints are like herpes. Every time you think they are gone for good, they come back to shock you; except you shouldn’t be shocked because well herpes always comes back. But every now and then, it goes away and allows you to live a normal stress free life. This week, this STD takes a break (just so we’re clear, I am not talking from experience).
Pick: Panthers win by 3.

Miami (4-3) @ Baltimore (5-2)
After playing all these top teams (Pittsburgh, NY Jets, New England), you have to figure that Miami is going to shock someone at some point right? Well I pick the shocker to happen this week in Baltimore.

Random note: Whether it’s an incomplete pass on 3rd down or a game winning touchdown pass to Anquan Boldin, Flacco always has that same weird frozen look on his face. Is there any way we can get a Ravens groupie to confirm whether he has that same look during intercourse?  All the female readers just nodded in agreement that this needs to happen.
Pick: Dolphins by 3.

San Diego (3-5) @ Houston (4-3)
Last week, I watched a few Steven Seagal movies and saw him royally kick the living crap out of people for about four hours (two separate movies) without breaking a sweat.  I say this literally, go look back to his movies and you’ll notice that he never sweats during or after his fights; and save for the game against the Patriots, that’s how the Chargers play at home. They get on top of their opposition and keep squeezing them until they submit (yes I’m still talking football, get your mind out of the gutter). But things get different real fast when they hit the road. Instead of being the star of the movie, they become a bit more like the final dude that Seagal has to defeat in the movie: they’ll take a few body blows, have either an arm or leg broken and eventually lose the fight. This weekend, expect Houston to do that to them.
Pick: Texans win by 10.

Arizona (3-4) @ Minnesota (2-5)
Imagine Brett Favre and Randy Moss entertaining a conversation after the Vikings loss to the Patriots…
Moss: Man $25,000 ain’t a thang, I don’t care.
Favre: I’m coming back.
Moss: Listen man, from now on I will not answer questions to the media. I ask my own questions.
Favre: I’m leaving.
Moss: Why you leavin’ man?
Favre: I’m coming back. By the way, since you played with Tom Brady, do you have Gisele Bundchen’s cell phone number?
Moss: Why can’t Tommy have his toys? You can’t play with his toys dude.
Favre: It’s not like that. I just wanted to leave her a voicemail.
Moss: I’m willing to bet you do more than just leave a voicemail; I’ll put up straight cash homie.
Favre: You’re right, maybe I should retire.
Moss: Damn, I miss the guys in Patriots locker room. Coach Belichick, big salute.

Intriguing conversation right? That fictional back and forth was probably the highlight of the Vikings season.

Random note: I have no way of measuring this, but can we all agree that Brett Favre has the record for most game clinching interceptions?
Pick: Vikings win by 8.

NY Giants (5-2) @ Seattle (4-3)
I was going to pick Seattle to upset the Giants but then remembered that the G-Men have had two weeks to prepare for the Seahawks. Couple that with the fact that Oakland ran all over Seattle last week and I can see the Giants doing about the same. The Seahawks have been good at home but they have yet to face a good team in their stadium. This weekend they get that chance but the fans probably go home unhappy.

Random note: Is it time for Seattle to change uniforms? The current ones are just plain horrible.
Pick: Giants win by 6.

Indianapolis (5-2) @ Philadelphia (4-3)
After being the team’s weak link early in the season, the Colts defense has stepped up in recent weeks and actually helped out the offense more than it has hindered it. Indy’s defense finally had a breakout performance on Monday night when they managed a defensive touchdown (a rarity for the Colts), a few sacks and a couple of three and outs. Indianapolis’ small front seven typically allows long drives that wear them down as the game unfolds. But as of late, the Indy defense has complimented the offense by getting them the ball back and the offense has done a great job of keeping their counterparts off the field; thus keeping them fresh enough to make plays towards the end of the game.

In order for Philadelphia to win this game, they will have to make some plays on the ground and keep the chains and clock moving. Philly has the horses to play out this game plan but that would involve Andy Reid going against his own philosophy (which he rarely ever does). He will probably be exposing his quarterback to a solid pass defense that might cause a turnover or two and give the ball to Peyton Manning with great field position. Expect the Eagles to stay true to form to their philosophy, and it will cost them.
Pick: Colts win by 4.

Kansas City (5-2) @ Oakland (4-4)
Raiders fans are happy that their team is somewhat relevant again and rightfully so. But before you get too excited people in Oakland; just remember that Al Davis once gave this speech: “JaMarcus Russell is a great playa. Get ova it”.
So before you guys get all hyped up about the prospects of defeating the AFC West leader, just remember that he still owns the team and still calls all the shots. So although the team will probably defeat the Chiefs this Sunday, don’t get too worked up about the prospects of winning the division as long as he’s still running the show.
Pick: Raiders win by 4.

Dallas (1-6) @ Green Bay (5-3)
When Jacksonville was demolishing Dallas on the road last week, I just kept imagining Wade Phillips and Jerry Jones doing a flawless Chicken Little impersonation: “The sky is falling, the sky is falling”. And sadly, that’s the best way to capture the Cowboys season thus far. So what’s the worse thing that could potentially happen now in Dallas? Let’s try to make a list:
-Cowboys go 8-1 to close out the season, win the NFC East, make the playoffs and then get destroyed on wildcard weekend. As a result of the improbable run, Jerry Jones gives Wade Phillips a 10 year contract extension.
-“Jerry’s World” is booked for a last minute Justin Bieber concert on Sunday, December 19th. The concert is sold out and therefore the Cowboys have to forfeit their game against Washington since it would take place at the same time as the concert and people are way more interested in seeing Bieber.
-In an effort to fire Phillips and avoid paying him, Jerry Jones gets a goon to leave cocaine in the desk of the Cowboys head coach. Sadly, the coach brings it to the locker room where DeMarcus Ware, Jason Witten,  Tony Romo and Dez Bryant all claim it’s their blow, only to be arrested and sent to jail. The NFL bans them for life.
-The Cowboys lose against the Packers.

Admit it, losing the Packers never sounded this good right?
Pick: Packers win by 10.

Pittsburgh (5-2) @ Cincinnati (2-5)
The Steelers are arguably the best team in the NFL while the Bengals are…in Cincinnati? Right, like you had anything nice to say about the Bengals. Although, I will say this: every outcome so far this season involving Cincinnati has been a surprise. Seriously, check out their season recap:
Blown out against the Patriots (surprise)
Defeat a Ravens team that most people are picking to make the Super Bowl (surprise).
Defeat the Panthers on the road (this one is a surprise in retrospect) .
Give the Browns their first victory (surprise)
Lose against Tampa Bay in regulation despite having the ball at midfield with less than two minutes to go in the game (surprise)
The team is relevant enough to get a bye week (surprise)
While getting blown out in Atlanta, they rally only to lose the game (surprise)

I don’t think any other team in the NFL this season can surprise us in wins or losses as much as the Bengals have so far. So although I’m not expecting Cincinnati to win on Monday night, I could see them having the lead throughout the game and surrendering it late as Ben Roethlisberger goes throwback and leads the Steelers down the field like he did in his last Super Bowl win and gets a great go ahead touchdown that essentially puts the game away.

Just so we’re clear though, do not discount the possibility of the Bengals actually having the lead and the ball and Carson Palmer throwing a pick six on third down to clinch the game for Pittsburgh. Like I said, always expect the Bengals to surprise you.
Pick: Steelers win by 3.

Bye: Denver, Tennessee, St. Louis, San Francisco, Washington, Jacksonville.

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at Shyne@Sbgorillas.com. You can also find me on Twitter with the handle name ShyneIV.

2 Comments:

Mojo Hoops said...

Hilarious Moss/Favre convo. I'm pretty sure Childress was grumbling in the background, "Both of you bitches are nothing but bitches you bitches."

Hoping my Ravens prove you wrong. Enjoy the games.

Shyne said...

LOL. I feel you. Childress was pivotal to the relationship between Favre and Moss. Ravens have the talent but seem to be missing something...

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