Athletes and Their Jump Offs-3 Basic Rules

Give it up for our guest writer Vondecarlo Brown. Enjoy.

As the many reports keep surfacing regarding the intimate details of mistresses, groupies, and jump offs disrespecting their position, I ask one question that is on everybody’s mind lately.
What happened to quietly staying in your lane as a jump off?  The wives seem to have their “turn the other cheek” code in tack, so why are the side chicks getting out of hand? 
Well, I will tell you the reason.  It is the fault of the men.  Either these athletes are becoming more stupid each generation, or they are becoming lazy.  Either way, it is the fault of the man that does not train his hoe properly.
So, in favor of my delicious NBA’ers, NFL’ers, Baseball’ers, (and now even Golfers), let me lend you some advice on keeping your hoe in check:
3 basic rules:

1. You must first choose the right chick.  Stop it with the strippers and hookers, unless it is a hit it and quit it 1 nightstand.  No stripper or prostitute should ever be able to get so close to you that they have your personal phone number, or know anything personal about you that isn’t already public knowledge.  Getting in touch with the hoe is what you pay your best friend for stupid.  Always make her talk to him on his phone as to when and where you guys will hook up; and make it a 1-time thing.  Why get attached to a hoe?  There are so many more just like her, duh.  Trust me, any true groupie will still fuck you even with your most distant of terms, just for the story’s sake, or a quick $500.  If not, she is easily replaced anyway.

However, if you want someone more consistent and assessable, then you have to think differently when choosing your sidepiece.  It is certainly acceptable that you may want to have 1 or 2 down ass chicks for every state you travel to.  We know you need to relax baby, and cannot always be out on the prowl, so go ahead and have your “I’m in town this week” chick.  Just don’t be stupid about it.  Your best option in this case is to choose a professional, career-minded woman that is already in a relationship, but is ready for a secret fling.Choosing a jump off that has a professional career and is married and/or in a serious committed relationship instantly gives you more control and power. Having a side chick that has just as much as you do to lose (if not more) should ease the possibility of her snitching because not only will it ruin her marriage, but it can ruin her reputation as well. No professional woman of any sort wants to be known as a groupie for an athlete.  That’s just embarrassing.  Strippers, prostitutes, groupies, video hoes, (or whatever title they prefer) already have low standards for themselves.  They are money hungry, fame seeking hustlers, and you, Mr. Pro Athlete are a target.  Exposing them will only bring them glory in their hoe world.  They have nothing to loose and everything to gain.  Exposing a woman with something to loose will be devastating to her; and thus she will protect the secret love affair at all costs. This way, you will “have your cake and eat it to”.

2. Don’t trust any woman too much (even if she is a professional).  Women can become very irrational and emotional when there are feelings involved.  So, don’t fuck with her emotions. Stop lying to bitches.  There is no need to make any woman that is interested in you feel like you will promote her to being your first lady.  If you have a wife, let it be known to your side chick in the gentlest of ways that the jump off lane is where she is, and where she will stay.  Trust me, if she wants to be with you, she will be with you anyway (and yes, she does really want to be with you).  Even if her intentions are to try and secretly steal you away from your wife and divorce her husband, it doesn’t matter.  It only matters what your intentions are; and your intentions should be to hit it as many times as you can in a very short lived affair. (I suggest no longer than 3 months for girls age 18-25, and no longer than 6 months for a woman age 26-34). That way, you cut the relationship before they have a chance to really believe in the possibility of becoming your next wife.  (Grown women 35+ with a good head on her shoulders can have a secret love affair for 20 years without anybody knowing, but that’s a whole new article).  Anyway, be kind, charming, and generous to your side chick during the affair, but never so much that she thinks you actually love her.  If you do fall in love with her, then either you are really stupid, or really ready to leave your wife (Kenyon Martin).  But whom are we kidding?  I’d leave my man for Trina in a heartbeat.

3. Last but certainly not least, leave all cameras out of this.  You do not have to promote your dick size. You are a pro athlete.  Enough said. Your strength alone subsides any rule on dick size.  (Lucky you if you are a tall NBA’er.  Your dick size will be assumed anyway, so why prove it with a picture? In most cases I’ve read, NBA’ers size expectations were exceeded.)  Except of course in the recent case of Dorrell Wright.  Lets just say, he’s no Greg Oden.
As a final side bar fella's, I shouldn’t have to say you better wear a condom with your jump offs; but I do feel I must tell you to BRING THEM YOURSELF!  Never let a hoe use her own supply. Do not forget, you are a target not only for your physical appeal, but for your bank as well.  Child support checks are the new promotion for hoes.

If you are a single pro athlete, you wont be for long, so just save this article for later.  If you are not a pro athlete, most rules still apply (except #3 - Who knows what your dick size is Mr. Pro Whatever – you might have to take your chances and send the picture).  If you are a female - know, accept, and respect your lane. 

Good luck guys and dolls, and follow me on twitter. @Vondecarlo
– Former Jump off, Current Wife  (of who? – Google me)



Trey Songz Book


If you’ve made it here today, it’s obviously because you’re a big lover of everything that involves Hip Hop. Music gives us soul, allows us to manifest ourselves in ways we never thought were possible and reminds us that we are not alone in our life experiences. Every now and then though, someone comes along and breaks things down in their music that makes us reflect a little longer than every other artist. But what if this musical genius is not a Hip Hop artist? Should he be ignored by the masses because he does not fit the prototypical mold of what Hip Hop is? Click here for rest of post.

Franchise Player: LeBron James


We have now arrived to our very last featured franchise player. The process started a few weeks ago when I decided to compile a list of the best players the NBA has to offer, except I did it with a wrinkle: I wanted to draw up a list of players worthy of the title of franchise player. I set up a list of requirements that the players had to meet in order to make the list; you can find the set of guidelines by clicking here. Here is the list of franchise players that I broke down:


Now that we got that out of the way, on to our featured player.

Back in 2003, a high school senior from Akron, Ohio captivated the nation with his amazing talents as a basketball player. This soon to be millionaire was the talk of the country: he appeared on magazine covers, had one of his high school games broadcasted on ESPN and said all the right things about his team and his teammates. The Akron native was a freak of nature unlike anything we had ever seen before at such a young age. He was 6'8, 240 lbs, played small forward, and was blessed with exceptional passing skills. So when the Cleveland Cavaliers won the NBA Draft Lottery, the obvious choice for the organization was to pick the hometown kid. His presence would help sell tickets and bring back interest to a team that had been all but forgotten. That hometown kid took the league by storm and became the face of the state of Ohio.Fast forward to today, LeBron James is consistently one of the top vote getters for the All-Star game, he is the face of Nike, his commercials are well thought out and perfectly executed and he just so happens to be the reigning League MVP. Hell, LeBron James accumulates more stats than your created player in NBA 2K; but do any of these facts make LeBron James a franchise player? Thought you'd never ask…

The Kobe Bryant Exception
In LeBron James' first NBA season; the Cleveland Cavaliers won 35 games. By the following season, the team got slightly better as they won 42 games. After completing his first two NBA seasons without a playoff berth; LeBron James and his Cavaliers improved enough to make the playoffs the following season. The Cavaliers have since made four consecutive playoff appearances (headed for fifth because they clinched the Central division title last week).  Look at the Cavs record by year since James entered the league:
2003-04: 35-47
2004-05: 42-40
2005-06: 50-32
2006-07: 50-32
2007-08: 45-37
2008-09: 66-16
2009-10: 57-15 (and counting)

The Cavaliers' star has been able to carry an average supporting cast into the playoffs in four straight seasons and has managed to make it out of the first round in every postseason trip.
GRADE for this criteria: PASS

The Kareem Standard
LeBron James has been selected to participate in six All-Star games and has also won two NBA All-Star game MVPs (2005-06 & 2007-08). In addition, the Cavaliers star is currently the league's reigning League MVP; and seems poised to capture his second trophy this season. Considering his relatively short NBA career, James does not have a gaudy amount of appearances on the All-NBA team; however he does still appear on it. Indeed, LeBron James has made the All-NBA first team three times, the All-NBA second team twice and the All-Defensive first team once.

In addition, James has a knack for playing extremely well when the bright lights come on. When playing with and against the league's finest in the All-Star game; LeBron James always puts on a show. Look at his ASG averages:
23.7 PPG, 6. 3 RPG, 5.3 APG, 50.4 FG%, 30.5 MPG

Mind you, a player that performs well in the All-Star game is not a prerequisite that makes or breaks a career; however it does say something about the respect that players and coaches have for a given player. The same way I argued that Western Conference All-Stars never got in Kobe's way because they respect his game and know that he will come up big when needed; the same is true in LeBron James' case with the Eastern All-Stars.
GRADE: PASS

The Karl Malone Rule
I love the fact that I picked Karl Malone to represent this requirement. No player epitomized durability in the NBA quite like Malone did. Ironically enough, LeBron James has often been compared to Karl Malone because they share just about the same height and weight. And yet, some people have questioned LeBron's toughness because he has at times sat out of games with injuries that were said to be minor. But does #23 really miss that many games? Not quite.  James has appeared in 541 out of a possible 563 games; good for a 96.1% participation rate (participation rate is the percentage of games that a player has played in for his team throughout his career). Let's see how LeBron fares against the other featured franchise players:

Rank
Player
Participation Rate (%)
1
Dwight Howard
99.4%
2
Dirk Nowitzki
96.6%
3
LeBron James
96.1%
4
Kobe Bryant
91.7%
5
Steve Nash
89.9%
6
Carmelo Anthony
89.2%
7
Tim Duncan
87.6%
8
Chris Paul
85.8%
9
Dwyane Wade
77.8%

Only Dwight Howard (with a ridiculous 99.4% participation rate) and Dirk Nowitzki participate in a higher rate of games than LeBron James. In a perfect world, your star player misses a fairly low percentage of his team's games because he helps sell out arenas and immensely improves his team's chances of winning. Such is not the case though, which is why there aren't that many franchise players in the NBA; not everyone is able to stay durable for a large chunk of the games.

 In other words, almost anybody can deliver pizza; but not everyone can be The Loverboy (if you're 27 or younger, you might have no idea what I'm talking about; but let's just say that Patrick Dempsey didn't always play the role of a doctor on Grey's Anatomy). Let's ask Tyra Banks (the America's Next Top Model version) what she thinks that James passes this requirement: "LeBron, with your 96.1% participation rate, you are still in the running for being an NBA franchise player."
GRADE: PASS

Magic Johnson Provision
So far, every franchise player we have covered has been able to display an uncanny ability to rise to the occasion. Whether it's a game in November at Arco Arena or a game in May at the Staples Center; all of our franchise players display a great amount of consistency; but also raise their games in moments of need.

 Quick tangent: Don't believe that winning a title is hard? Only one third of our franchise players have at least one NBA ring.

Back to our regularly scheduled program. I mentioned this in the Kobe Bryant feature; there are multiple ways to measure a player's stage presence, and LeBron James is no exception. So we'll look at two specific aspects for James.

I. Historical place
Let me be clear with this one: LeBron James is still a young NBA player with much to accomplish in his NBA career before we can anoint him as the league's savior or one of its greatest players. With that said, LeBron James' name appears in a list full of Hall of Fame NBA players. What list you ask? The 25-7-7 list. Throughout NBA history, only a handful of NBA players have been able to average at least 25 points, seven rebounds and seven assists in an NBA season. Have a look at the list (placed in order of scoring average):

Player
Season
PPG
APG
RPG
FG%
Michael Jordan
1988-89
32.5
8.0
8.0
0.538
Oscar Robertson
1963-64
31.4
11.0
9.9
0.483
Oscar Robertson
1965-66
31.3
11.1
7.7
0.475
Oscar Robertson
1961-62
30.8
11.4
12.5
0.478
Oscar Robertson
1960-61
30.5
9.7
10.1
0.473
Oscar Robertson
1964-65
30.4
11.5
9.0
0.480
LeBron James
2007-08
30.0
7.2
7.9
0.484
LeBron James
2009-10
29.9
8.6
7.3
0.50
John Havlicek
1970-71
28.9
7.5
9.0
0.450
LeBron James
2008-09
28.4
7.2
7.6
0.489
Oscar Robertson
1962-63
28.3
9.5
10.4
0.518
Larry Bird
1986-87
28.1
7.6
9.2
0.525
John Havlicek
1971-72
27.5
7.5
8.2
0.458
LeBron James
2004-05
27.2
7.2
7.4
0.472

So if you look at the list, you'll notice that Oscar Robertson accomplished the feat six times, LeBron James is on pace to do it for the fourth time in his career (if his current stats hold up until the end of this season), John Havlicek did it twice and Michael Jordan and Larry Bird both did it once. So LeBron James puts up historical numbers in the regular season; big deal, great players are judged by what they do in the playoffs right?  Let's have a look at the players to average at least 25 points, seven rebounds and seven assists in the playoffs in any given season (minimum of 10 games):

Player
Season
PPG
RPG
APG
FG%
LeBron James
2008-09
35.3
9.1
7.3
0.51
Michael Jordan
1988-89
34.8
7.0
7.6
0.51
George McGinnis
1974-75
32.3
15.9
8.2
0.468
Oscar Robertson
1962-63
31.8
13.0
9.0
0.47
Oscar Robertson
1963-64
29.3
8.9
8.4
0.455
LeBron James
2007-08
28.2
7.8
7.6
0.411
Larry Bird
1986-87
27.0
10.0
7.2
0.476
Clyde Drexler
1991-92
26.3
7.4
7.0
0.466
Larry Bird
1985-86
25.9
9.3
8.2
0.517
John Havlicek
1967-68
25.9
8.6
7.5
0.452
LeBron James
2006-07
25.1
8.1
8.0
0.416

In the postseason, LeBron James leads everybody with three different playoff seasons in which he averaged at least 25-7-7. Oscar Robertson and Larry Bird are tied with two such playoffs seasons. Michael Jordan, George McGinnis, John Havlicek and Clyde Drexler all did it once.

Some might not be overly impressed by all these numbers considering the fact that LeBron James has yet to win a championship; and I am more then willing to concede that point. With greatness comes great expectations, that comes with the territory. So consequently, LeBron James needs to do something pretty impressive; perhaps something that no one else has been able to manage so far in NBA history before we compare him to some of the greatest the game has ever seen.

Well guess what you're in luck. Quickly glance at LeBron James' career playoff averages:

Player
PPG
RPG
APG
FG%
LeBron James
29.4
8.3
7.3
0.452

That's pretty decent right?  Well put this in perspective: the Cleveland Cavaliers star is the only player in NBA history to average more than 25-7-7 over the span of his playoff career. Think about that for a moment, in a league that was/is home to players such as Michael Jordan, Larry Bird, Magic Johnson, Scottie Pippen, Dominique Wilkins, Wilt Chamberlain, Tracy McGrady, Kobe Bryant, John Havlicek, Oscar Robertson, Jason Kidd and Dwyane Wade; LeBron James is the only player to manage such a feat. And people wonder why this summer is known as The Summer of LeBron.

II. Signature game
Every now and then, a franchise player has to bail his team out. When the outlook seems unfavorable and all else fails, your franchise player might have to come to the rescue when everything is slipping away. Michael Jordan did it in the infamous 1998 flu game, Dirk Nowitzki did it in Game 7 of the 2006 Western Conference Semi-Finals against the Spurs and Kobe Bryant did it in Game 4 of the 2000 NBA Finals (when Shaq fouled out in OT).  

LeBron James is no different. If there is one game that you can look at and point to as a signature game for James, it has to be against one of his biggest rivals: the Detroit Pistons. Let's take a stroll down memory lane.

It's Game 5 of the 2007 Eastern Conference Finals, and the series is tied 2-2 with the swing game being in Detroit. The Pistons have been here before; they have all the experience, preparation and mental toughness. And yet, the Cavs and Pistons enter the fourth quarter of Game 5 tied 70-70. Look at the scoring plays of the Cavs from the 8:42 mark of the fourth quarter up to the end of the game (game went to double overtime).

4th Quarter
Scoring Play
Points scored by James
8:42
LeBron James enters the game for Larry Hughes
N/A
6:05
LeBron James makes 17-foot jumper
2
3:01
LeBron James makes driving layup
4
2:48
Drew Gooden misses free throw 1 of 2
N/A
2:48
Drew Gooden makes free throw 2 of 2
N/A
2:16
LeBron James makes 26-foot three point jumper
7
0:31
LeBron James makes driving dunk
9
0:00
End of 4th Quarter
N/A

OT
Scoring Play
Points scored by James
4:47
LeBron James makes free throw 1 of 2
10
4:47
LeBron James makes free throw 2 of 2
11
3:31
LeBron James makes dunk
13
2:54
LeBron James makes free throw 1 of 2
14
2:54
LeBron James misses free throw 2 of 2
N/A
1:16
LeBron James makes free throw 1 of 2
17
1:16
LeBron James makes free throw 2 of 2
15
0:33
LeBron James makes 20-foot jumper
18
0:00
End of the 1st Overtime
N/A

2OT
Scoring Play
Points scored by James
4:31
LeBron James makes 19-foot two point shot
20
1:51
LeBron James makes 19-foot jumper
22
1:14
LeBron James makes 25-foot three point jumper
25
0:02
LeBron James makes driving layup
27
0:00
End of Game
N/A
0:00
GAME BLOUSES
N/A


On their way to a 109-107 win, the Cavaliers relied on LeBron James to score 27 points in the fourth quarter and overtime. James' final line for the game?
48 points, 8 rebounds, 7 assists, 2 steals.

LeBron James gave us one of the best playoff performances in NBA history. Taking into account James' historical accomplishments so far as well as his ability to rise to the occasion, I think we can say that #23 passes The Magic Johnson Provision.
GRADE: PASS

The Shaquille O'Neal Test
LeBron James is currently the best small forward in the NBA, the reigning League MVP, one of the core members of Team USA and arguably the best player in the NBA today (his contributions on offense as well as defense make him an imposing and feared player).  In addition, James' marketing ability helps sell jerseys as well as sell out games. In light of this information, getting LeBron to sign for $20 million per season at this point in his career would probably have to be considered a bargain price. Needless to say, just like every other franchise player (the ones that made the cut), LeBron James deserves every penny he currently makes and will probably deserve whatever contract he gets this summer.
GRADE: PASS

Conclusion
As seen in the Chris Paul article, LeBron James is part of a group that I call The Untouchables. This group represents the truly elite NBA franchise players. The group features these guys:
*Chris Paul
*Kobe Bryant
*LeBron James
*Dirk Nowitzki
*Dwight Howard

Consequently, you can understand that it's a given that LeBron James is in fact a franchise player. Hence, perhaps we should be asking a different question: factoring production, age and potential, is there currently any other franchise player in the league with more upside? Think about that for a second; the League MVP could potentially get better, now there's a scary thought….