A few weeks ago, a lady reached out to me and presented her situation and wanted my take. Essentially, she was seeing someone and had feelings for him but had no idea whether they were a couple or not. She mentioned to me that she was happy when by his side but that as of late he had pulled back and was extremely cold with her. She wanted to know: what gives?
The first point I made was that they weren’t in a committed relationship because if they were she would be aware as opposed to clueless about it all.
And secondly, well he had no true romantic interest in her. She thought I was completely wrong and that she would soon be vindicated. I made it clear to her: he’s just not that into you. And it may have taken a while, but he proved it to be true.
This might be difficult for certain women to come to grips with, but a man doesn’t necessarily want to be in a relationship with you just because he gets along with you. At times, that comfort and warmth can be mistaken for love or an emotional investment by either party, which is why it’s important to communicate to ensure such does not occur.
Believe it or not, smart men with life experience -- mid-20s might still be too young, but late 20s is where this starts to manifest itself -- can usually get an idea of whether they can potentially see themselves with a specific woman after a few conversations with her. And to be perfectly honest, this can be quite misleading for women.
Indeed, sometimes the qualities or aspects of a woman that attracts us men might be the exact reason we could never see ourselves with her. Confusing huh?
Allow me to clarify.
Certain traits can be wildly appealing for a jump off, but not a future wifey. For instance, a truly sexually liberated woman might take a man to a swingers club or something of the sort and leave him completely flabbergasted and yet intrigued. Mind you, after seeing her in such a setting with other people, the thought of having her as his woman might be somewhat unappealing.
I call it the Stripper Effect.
Every man has at some point in his life fantasized about being with a stripper. But the ones that actually succeeded in this endeavor -- that were not pimps -- were eventually dumped by these women or had to get out of the situation because the thought of establishing something serious with this person was somewhat off-putting because it involved sharing her with strip club customers and the like. In this said scenario, the dude might enjoy her company as well as the lifestyle to some extent, but ultimately the barrier of her exposing herself to others might just be too tough to overcome (doesn’t apply to every man obviously).
This previously cited example might seem a little too obvious, and some women might feel that it’s a little far fetched; but truth is it’s dead on. Men eventually come to understand what they like, dislike and what they can tolerate; and thus eventually develop a good grasp of whom they do not want to be with long-term.
Should they feel that the personality of a lady might alienate them, they might spend some time with her and enjoy her company as a person of interest, but never as the one they commit to.
It takes the male species a while, but after a few failed relationships, we evolve to understand why our previous love interests bombed. Certain character traits just aren’t in the cards for us, and that can often keep us at bay because we hate the idea of ending up with someone that doesn’t completely make us happy in every way possible.
A man typically views relationships as the outright thievery of his freedom, and that’s something that he will only agree to if the woman’s personality/character is compatible with his and leads to his happiness.
Otherwise, he’ll just be the guy that could be your man, but isn’t.Questions or comments? Feel free to reach out by email at Shyne@SBGorillas.com