The Broken Promise of Change

Life is a constant struggle at times because individuals try to reconcile their actual reality for the promise of what is to come.
Relationships inevitably stumble and leave scars all over that can be difficult to deal with it. The signs of these misfortunes can appear in the form of weight loss, weight gain or other physical changes. The other signals happen beneath the surface and are more often than not difficult to decipher.
Resentment, bitterness and pain can look just the same as happiness and euphoria to the untrained eye, but its presence is problematic nonetheless. At times, individuals make excuses for their partners and tolerate their behaviors.
In other instances, the comportment of one will lead to a heated exchange that will shake the foundation of the relationship to its core. Perhaps the issue is what was said or simply the delivery of the message was far too earth-shattering for those involved.
This can manifest itself once in a blue moon, or on every other weekend. Regardless of the frequency, there is often an underlying thought that things will eventually change and get better. Those are the rational thoughts that people cling to in the face of raw emotions with a loved one.
Whether the offending party promises change or not, for whatever reason it becomes expected of them. It’s a fascinating aspect of human behavior. In the quest to eradicate doubt, one will occasionally alter their perception of reality with the hope that things improve.
For instance, an individual sent this question to Meredith Goldstein, a Boston Globe columnist who follows relationship trends and entertainment:
“Even though my gut feeling tells me to dump her, something within me thinks she has changed. She has confessed to a crazy past (being boy crazy, always getting drunk). Do people change?”
Goldstein responded:
“People change and grow up over time, but they can't be transformed into someone entirely new. This woman flirts, flights, and lies. If she's been that way from the start, that's just who she is, at least for right now, and right now is what counts.”
This partly explains how certain people remain in bad relationships for prolonged periods of time. This happens to both sexes, but for the most part, the expectation is that it will occur to women.
Noted author Valerie Frankel shared in her book The Girlfriend Curse:
Women get into a relationship hoping a man will change, and he never does; men get into a relationship hoping the woman don't change, but she always does. Men want their partners to be consistent. That they won't make impromptu impossible demands nor baffle him with classically female sudden-onset hysterical behavior.
In a way, this speaks to the “truths” that we choose to believe as individuals. A faction of society prefers to believe that their partner will change and cope better with the needs of the relationship regardless of how unlikely it is. To be fair, some people do change and evolve over the course of their partnership.
Those signs are usually visible over a stretched-out period of time whereas an individual unwilling to conform has displayed their resolve on this front on countless occasions.
This has prompted me to come up with this saying: “this isn’t just your relationship today, this is your relationship for the rest of your life.” It might sound a bit dramatic and over the top, but it certainly holds some truth to it.
A person that has refused to change in their relationship after a couple of years will probably not change for the better later on. The case of Jody (portrayed by Tyrese Gibson) in Baby Boy is far-reaching isolated one. And heck, that required an attempted sexual assault and a murder for him to stop taking his talents to every bedroom in South Central Los Angeles (I know it’s a movie but still).
Life is what you make it and the same can be said about one’s relationship. Do not leave it to chance, because then you’re playing the lottery with your heart. And well, how many people win the lotto?


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