Week 2 Picks (AFC)

Missing week 1 picks
Minn (1-0) beats GB (0-1)
A. Peterson rushing TD

Oak(1-0) beats Denver (0-1)

Week 2 – AFC

Oakland @ Kansas City
Divisional games are usually some of the best match ups. Neither team can pull away and there is more often then not a lot of bad blood involved. The Chiefs with the coin flip and return the kickoff to the 20 yard line. Larry Johnson gets the first carry for 7 yards up the gut. Brodie Croyle The Chiefs then try to run a play action play and is drilled by former Chief Jared Allen which causes a fumble which is returned for a TD. The Chiefs come back on the next possession and get a FG. The remainder of the first half is then uneventful, as nothing else is produced. The second half demonstrates that Jamarcus Russell has a canon arm but not enough NFL QB IQ. He’s picked off twice off of bad throws into double coverage which sets up two field goals. Entering the 4th quarter with a 9-7 lead, the Chiefs close out the game on LJ’ s legs as he goes for 65 yards and the game sealing TD.

Score: KC (1-1) 16
OAK (1-1) 7

Tennessee @ Cincinnati
If you guys followed last week’s picks, Ocho Cinqo was banned from the NFL for stripping down naked after his second TD celebration. After his more then successful porn made 80 million in 2 days, the League decided they wanted a piece of that revenue and reinstated him by Wednesday. #85 spends the week saying how the Titans corners won’t be able to guard him and so on. The Titans come out with the best possible formula to beat the Bengals: run the ball and control the clock which leads to fewer possessions and thus fewer points. Cincinnati’s biggest weakness is their defense; I mean, they couldn’t stop the pope from getting laid!! So Titans get the ball to start and and have an 8 minute long drive with mostly running plays; even some of the passing plays called result in a few short runs by Vince Young. The long drive only results in a field goal however. The Bengals come out on their first drive and air it out. They go deep to Chad Johnson for a 40 yard pick up, then go to 85 again for 20 yards. They then come out in a trips formation with everyone keying in on 85 which allows Houshmanzedah to get free for a TD in what took 1min and 42 seconds. Tennessee comes out after pounds the rock for the rest of the 1st quarter and get a TD. The Bengals come back and try to air it out again instead of showing balance and consequently go three and out. The Titans then run the ball some more and get a field goal out of it. The Bengals produce a quality drive and lead 14-13 at the half. Cincy comes out in the second half and fumbles on the kickoff which produces a TD for Tennessee. The Bengals try to manufacture another drive after but are stopped and decide to go for it on 4th and 2 at the 50 yard line. The Titans stop them and then go on to produce a 5 minute drive for another TD. The Bengals are able to keep scoring but can’t stop the Titans. Note: Chad Johnson scored his league leading 3rd TD and tore his jersey thus showing his back spray painted with this message: “85 on top, Titans at bottom, like my movies”

Score: TEN(1-1) 34
CIN (1-1) 28

Buffalo @ Jacksonville
So Buffalo goes on the road with a mediocre QB to face a tough, strong and physical defense. Good Luck!!!!!!! JP Losman will get blitzed and picked off and sacked and quite possibly injured. The Bills running game will be non existent and the Jags offense will do just enough.

Score: JAX(2-0) 21
BUF(1-1) 7

New England @ NY Jets
The hated Patriots make it back to Jets Territory where all Jets fans are saying: “Fuhgetabout it! We gonna muyda the stinkin Pats!!”. Eric Mangini(Jets coach) pulls a rabbit out of his hat and gets the league to authorize the refs to miss (wink wink) all calls favoring New England in the first half because of their “cheating” scandal. As a result, every time Tom Brady goes back to pass they hit him hard after every pass and Patriot receivers keep getting hit before the ball ever gets near them. Consequently, we have a brutal 28-3 halftime game in favor of the Jets with Brady having been carted off the field early in the 2nd quarter. The jumbotron reads this message:

“Sunday NFL ticket page: $70.00; Spygate fine: $500,000; Getting your ass handed over to you by Jets with Brady in hospital: PRICELESS”

The Commissioner, thinking the game is a wrap tells the refs to call the game even and then leaves the stadium……Belichick also pulled a rabbit out of his hat as he had Brady fake an injury. The Pats come out firing on all cylinders as Brady connects with Moss for two long bomb TDs (thus snatching the lead from Ocho Cinqo as he now has 4TDs on the season) making the score 28-17 for the Jets. The Pats then attemps an onside kick which they recover. And the ensuing play they run a screen play with Kevin Faulk who goes 40 yards for the TD. Score 28-24 for the Jets. New York is finally able to regain their composure and muster up a drive that gives them a field goal. The Pats come back to score and tie the game. Mangini then calls the Commish and explains the turn of events and Goodel sends out a text message to the refs telling them to give the Jets favorable calls to win the game at any cost since there are only 2 minutes left. In the meantime, Belichick calls over the senior head official and shows him pictures of the all men ref orgy and threatens to post it on facebook. The ref reluctantly tells Bill “ you got me”. He rules an incomplete pass a fumble and the Pats go on to win 38-31.

Post game conference, Bill says: “Randy Moss jersey $100, flowers for Tom Brady’s baby momma $50 , using your own weapon against you and wiping Goodel’s smile off of his face…..EFFIN PRICELESS”

Score: NE(2-0) 38
NYJ(0-2) 31

Baltimore @ Houston
Defense, Defense and Defense. Baltimore plays the field position game with their strong running game and tough defense and waits for a Houston mistake to capitalize. The Ravens defense scores a TD off an interception while the Texans convert on a fumble recovery. The Texans then connect on a slant with Andre Johnson that takes it to house in the 4th quarter putting the game away.

Score: HOU(1-1) 17
BAL (0-2) 10

San Diego @ Denver
Big game Big game. LT’s MVP usual MVP credentials show up in this one as he goes for 2 rushing TDs and a receiving TD (giving him a league leading 5 total TDs) all the while amassing 200 all purpose yards. The Broncos run defense is shredded throughout the game . The game is somewhat close but the Chargers defense step up in the 4th quarter bring the hits and forcing incompletions.

Score: SD(2-0) 24
DEN(0-2) 13

Pittsburgh @ Cleveland
The Steelers Offense shows up in this one. They pound the rock to the tune of 150 yards and air it out as well for 225 yards. However their inability to convert in the red zone eventually dooms them. The Browns are able to manufacture points in a variety of ways in this one: Kick Off return, punt return and receiving touchdowns. Braylon Edwards goes for 117 yards and 2 TDs while Derek Anderson is solid and mistake free.

Score: CLE (1-1) 28
PIT (1-1) 19

Indianapolis @ Minnesota
The Vikings take advantage of the Colts speed on defense by running a variety of screens and draw plays which constantly have the Colts defense scrambling. Adrian Peterson goes nuts with 125 yards rushing and 75 yards receiving and 2 TDs . Peyton Manning struggles for the first time in the young season as his time away due to that knee injury show he is human after all and rusty. He struggles to the tune of 201 yards 2 TDs and 2 INTs. He is however saved by his defense in the 4th quarter, as they decide to drop the cover 2 and put Bob Sanders in the box and completely load up on the run thus forcing the Vikings to pass. Dwight Freeney comes off the edge and strips Tavaris Jackson causing a fumble which is recovered at the 10 yard line. The Colts set up shop by running a draw play, and then two straight up HB dives and are stopped at the goal line on 4th down. The Colts run a QB sneak for the tying score. On the ensuing possession, with 4 minutes left in the game, the Vikings panic. Instead of trying to blend run and pass, they get pass happy and go 3 and out and punt the ball back with 3:30 left in the game and the ball at the 30. The Colts manage the last few minutes is great fashion. They take their time, and run the ball while the defense keeps expecting passes thus allowing them to march down the field. With 3 seconds left in the game and the ball at the 20, the Colts call timeout to set up the field goal. Vinatieri ices it as time expires.

Score: IND(2-0) 24
MIN(1-1) 21

NFC Picks Week 1

In the words of Big Snoop on the hemped up I miss that bi….
She was a pot of gold
Her body was cold
I don't know where you went
Where did you go (I miss that bi…)
Shopping around looking around
I'm try to see
Where could you be
How could you do this to me (I miss that bi…)

I feel like a fiend every time august comes around because
a)my cousin has got the nfl satellite package(which I also have for this summer)
b) I’m calling in sick on madden day(august 12th mother sucker)
With that said , lemme just scratch that itch until the season (both real and in my franchise mode) starts!
Washington at NY Giants
In arguably the toughest division in football, this game is probably the closest these two are going to be to a playoff type atmosphere, only problem is it’s in week one so prepare for a stinker

Wsh(0-1) 10
NYG(1-0) 17

Tampa Bay at New Orleans
This could go either way but that’s the beauty of football. Aging defense(still second in last year) against a very potent offense (as a cowboys hand, I could write an essay on how dangerous Shockey can be)…

Tampa(1-0) 24
New Orleans( 0-1)21

St. Louis at Philadelphia
Damn…you can smell that game from a mile away…

STL(0-1) 17

Detroit at Atlanta
I’m 27 so in 30 years I’ll tell my kids about how mike vick is the dumbest sports figure of all time…and my kids are never gonna believe me , they be like” worse the Shawn Kemp Jr. Jr.” (NB:http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2008/writers/luke_winn/07/09/shawn.kemp/index.html) I know it’s all been said but daaaaaaamn, for dog fighting…for real. Anyway, atl is in complete rebuilding mode and Detroit is slowly getting back to respectability.

Detroit(1-0) 27
Atl(0-1) 10

Dallas at Cleveland
Man I can wait for that game…not because of the match up, but simply to see to new improved Dallas defense anchored by Mr. Zach Thomas and Mr. Demarcus Ware,just like Ted Dibiase and Virgil “money, money, money, money, moneyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!”

Dallas(1-0) 30
Cleveland(0-1) 13

Carolina at San Diego
Defense wins championships…as long as you can pass OR run

Carolina (0-1) 13
San Diego(1-0) 17

Arizona at San Francisco
Is it me or are the Cards the nfl version of the Clippers…with all them top picks you figure they’ll eventually get there…

Zona (1-0) 27
Cisco(0-1) 17

NFL Picks (way early I know)

I know the NFL season start is still months away, but what the heck, me and Philly decided to preview it right now with the current rosters one month before Madden drops. So we've got no ratings to go by, just the eye ball test. So I break down the AFC and Philly gets the NFC; inter-conference games we mutually decide who gets what. Without further ado, here we go!!!!

NY Jets @ Miami
Interesting match up, who sucks more? You’ll notice that Bill Parcells used to be affiliated with the Jets and is now running the show in Miami. Good luck…….I can’t even begin to fathom who will quarterback these two teams. Long story short, going with defense in this one and the Cowboy connection.

Score: MIA (1-0) 14
NYJ (0-1) 7

Kansas City @ New England
Tom Brady comes out in this one and ends it early. As a modern male icon, he has to be breathtaking, charming, wonderful and a good dad. He does this by throwing a 60 yard bomb to Randy Moss in the 2nd quarter and a 47 yard deep post in the 3rd quarter with three defenders trailing Randy. With the game out of hand, Belichick destroys all tapes of the signals he was stealing right then and there and calls out Tom Coughlin saying he robbed him of another SB ring because he wasn’t allowed to cheat……

Score: NE (1-0) 30
KC (0-1) 7

Houston @ Pittsburgh
Everywhere we look , we keep hearing how the Texans are going to shock a lot of people. Well, if 6-10 is shocking to some of you, then expect to be shocked. The Texans make it in Steeler Country but barely make it out. Omar Epps’s defense (he’s a dead ringer for Omar Epps admit it) comes out and just destroys the Texans to the point that receivers refuse to go to middle. The Steeler D comes out with 9 sacks, 2 forced fumbles, 2 interceptions and 2 touchdowns. Roethlisberger completes a pedestrian 13 out of 19 passes for 174 yards and a touchdown while Willie Parker runs for 121 yards and a score. The Texans had hope nevertheless; with the help of a fumbled punt return, they recovered the ball to score a field goal. Yippee!!!

Score: PIT (1-0) 31
HOU( 0-1) 3

Cincinnati @ Baltimore
Talk about contrast of styles. Bengals free flowing offense versus smash mouth in your face defense. The Ravens defense holds up during this game for three quarters, but the fact they keep punting the ball back after failing on 15 straight 3rd down conversions dooms them. Cincy has a weak defense but Baltimore can’t exploit it. Ocho Cinqo ends up going for 150 yards and two scores. On his 1st TD he looks at the camera and removes his jersey; underneath is another jersey that says on the back “Trade #85”. The league immediately fines him $200,000 and forces him to pay it before halftime to continue playing. He comes back after writing a check to the Commish and scores another TD. This time he strips naked (putting Janet to shame) and his Johnson in his hand says to the camera they made me do it (quick side not: Chad Johnson posed nude for the cover of ESPN, so this isn’t far fetched). Chad Johnson is immediately banned from being on television and his forced to become Porn Actor Ocho Cinqo, the highest selling male porn actor ever. Back to the game, Cincy wins and the Ravens face criticism and questions and finger pointing.

Score: CIN (1-0) 17
BAL(0-1) 7

Seattle @ Buffalo
This probably has to be one of the most boring games in the history of week 1 of the NFL (hyperbole I know but whatever). So Matt Hasselbeck throws a tantrum at Mike Holmgren saying that the team doesn’t invest enough in great talent to take them over the hump. Seriously, the Seahawks have always been an underrated team; always in the playoffs, usually win the divisional round but then they shoot themselves in the foot somewhere somehow. Anyhow, Hasselbeck pulls a fit and by the end of the 3rd quarter, leading 17-14, Mike Holmgren’s had enough and calls up the Packers and tell them to reinstate Brett Favre which they trade straight up for Hasselbeck and a six pack of beers.
Favre makes it to the stadium at the 2:00 minute mark (remember he already knows the plays since he played for Mike before) with the Seahawks trailing 21-17. Favre comes in, snaps the ball at the 40 yard line, pump fakes then slings it to the 50 yard line to a receiver running a short route which is immediately picked off and returned for a TD. Pick Six. Ball Game. Welcome back #4. Game Blouses

Score: BUF (1-0) 28
SEA (0-1) 14

Jacksonville @ Tennessee
The match up of running QBs…..Two great athletes but very average quarterbacks. In this game, home filed has no impact since the identities are the same, they defend and run the ball and try not to air it out too much. Very conservative teams. That being said, I’ll take the team that’s been doing it longer and in a more efficient manner. The Jax Jaguars are good at what they do; they play cover 2 defense and also play bump and run on the outsides. The Titans are the same type of team but just a notch below the Jags. So I picture this as a back and forth game with the Jaguars winning it on field goal in the end but Vince Young goes for 150 yards in the air and 100 yards rushing.

Score: JAX (1-0) 17
TEN (0-1) 14

Chicago @ Indianapolis
I’m biased on this one so what. So let’s just call it like it is. Peyton 3TDs, Marvin Harrisson 110yds TD. Bears defense forces fumble and returns it 80 yards for a score. Rex Grossman throws an interception which is returned 60 yards and is stopped at the 20 yard line. The Colts run a screen play with Joseph Addai that takes him to end zone. It’s a wrap.

NFC coming up soon

D from the 416 / 647

My cousin from TO

Philly & D

Vid is a week old