Reporting from Caribana

As we grow old, we tend to accumulate responsibilities and thus have to pick and chose what we can and cannot do. Hence, those that are married, have kids, are in committed relationships or are incarcerated in prison rarely have the opportunity to get away. And that’s why I decided to write this post; because well, although some of you might not have the opportunity to enjoy Caribana weekend for whatever reason; you can still live it vicariously through me.

Please try to contain yourselves and avoid clapping all in unison to signal your gratitude. Although it is appreciated, it is not necessary.

How can you tell when Caribana Friday has started?

There are multiple signs that one can point to, but the most obvious one involves the police. Anytime you see police officers on their bicycles pulling over a dude that’s driving while indulging himself in the finest ganja Canadian money can buy; you know things are about to get interesting for the remainder of the weekend.

Indeed, that’s when you start noticing all the guys walking around in size extra small wife beaters, to make sure you notice their muscles and tattoos. As far as I’m concerned, if you are going to play it like that, go all out: rub your body with oil. I mean, more often than not, these guys already look ridiculous anyhow right?

Women on the other hand play the same card, but do it differently. They get themselves a top that’s probably two sizes smaller than my boxers and rock it just to make sure you notice their cleavage jumping out and literally talking to you.

What makes this interesting though, is the sheer amount of good looking people that surround you as you walk down Yonge street. Seriously, I took a quick walk and saw a plethora of pretty women that gave me what I call the “half-eye”. It consists of giving someone a quick glance and letting them know you spotted them but then you keep walking and hope they come seek you out. If used properly, the half-eye can be a powerful tool that lures in the bait. And that’s why women are the ones that can get away with using it on the regular.

Needless to say, the streets of downtown Toronto are full of people and every restaurant, pub and bar seemed to be full as I casually walked by them.

This weekend, people from various parts of North America will have several interactions and will also try to extract a little something from the people whose attention they are able to get. I was almost “hustled” in that sense when three women came knocking at my door because they were looking for a bottle opener. Instead of giving me the half-eye, they gave me their full attention and one of them actually said “Thank God” when I opened the door to see what they required.

I advised them I didn’t have their bottle opener and they went on their merry way.

If anyone could have properly previewed this weekend so far it would have been Trey Songz:
“I want the money,
Money and cars,
Cars and the clothes
And the hoes
I just wanna be
I just wanna be successful”

Stay tuned …

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.


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