Struggles of Women to Hit on Men

Melinda hits on Eric in an episode of Entourage.

Last week, I stumbled across the August 2011 issue of the magazine Cosmopolitan. Never one to shy away from reading their content (some of articles are often hilarious from a male perspective), I gave it a quick view and landed in the Q&A section. Those are often the best places to get insight on people given the fact that it is an open forum to ask questions in complete anonymity.

After going through a few of the interrogations and answers and chuckling a bit, I landed on a question that piqued my curiosity. One lady sent this in:
“Recently I saw a superhot guy at a baseball game, but I was too shy to ask for his number. What’s the best way to pick up a guy without being too obvious?”

The answer did not matter as much as the question as far as I was concerned. In what was purely coincidental, this was the second time in the last week that I had heard a woman express discomfort about the idea about approaching a man. And considering that this could be an issue that is far more serious than I ever thought, it dawned on me that perhaps I should provide some advice on this topic and even give women the proverbial playbook.

Mind you, before engaging the shy women of this world, let’s give it up for the dudes. Seriously, it is far more difficult for men to approach women and obtain a positive reaction from them. To be fair, a lot of the guys out there often have no clue what they are doing and end up being disrespectful; but that’s not who we’re talking about here. Some guys are often courteous, polite and smooth even; but still get shot down much like Sarah Marshall did to Peter Bretter in Forgetting Sarah Marshall (yes I am well aware that Peter and Sarah had been dating but the example still holds, thank you).

In addition, no matter how handsome the man might be, there is still the chance that the lady he is approaching might be in state of mind that is conducive to rejection. Indeed, studies show that women who are on their period typically favor a man with a look that seems a bit more primitive. Thus, a fellow with a scruffy beard and ripped jeans might appeal to her more during that time of the month.

Furthermore, even if the man is successful, there is still the possibility that she has little to no interest in him; and that she is merely a gold digger looking to get things purchased for her by some unsuspecting sucker.

Things are far more simpler for women believe it or not. If a lady chooses to approach a man and is somewhat nervous about the whole thing, here is the most important piece of information to remember: for the most part, women own men. True story.

Granted, a lot of times, the ability to put the moves on someone comes down to circumstances. For instance, if an attractive woman decides to attract a handsome man, there is a possibility (albeit a small one) that he might reject her. However, it takes a unique set of circumstances for such a thing to occur. Have a look at the list:
·      He is with his kid(s)
·      He is already attached (wife, girlfriend, blowup doll, cat or dog)
·      No attraction whatsoever
·      Homosexual
·      He has company with him that you might not have spotted
·      Criminal on his way to committing a felony.

That about sums it up. Long story short, the odds are in favor of women emerging successfully from flirting with men.

Mind you, I can already hear women wondering: “we get your point dude, but there’s one problem with what you just said; I know I’m attractive but that might not mean he thinks I am”.

And for the most part, this article is meant to reach out to the women who employ that train of thought. Indeed, people who are confident in their look and abilities generally do not have a problem with approaching a potential conquest whereas those who have even the tiniest amount of doubt within themselves often opt to sit on the sidelines.

If this is your dilemma, allow me to walk you through it. It can be nerve wracking for a person to try and make small talk with a complete stranger with the intent of progressively getting to know them. Thus, it’s important that if you do chose to approach a man under these sets of circumstances that you give the illusion of having a seamless conversation.

It’s not necessary to have majored in magic in some fancy college to pull this off; but rather to simply do things in a way that sparks conversation. For example, if you see him out in the open, you can give him the “hey I’m interested look and smile” but then again men do not always do well with subtlety and thus you might have to elevate your game a bit. That would be the perfect opportunity to walk to him and ask for directions, say he looks familiar or that you want his opinion on the dress you are wearing because you have gotten a lot of negative feedback from some people about it.

Heck, you can even come up with some creative ways such as stating that you are conducting a survey on how men and women differ in their opinion of what they think is sexy. If he responds positively (by this I mean: he engages you into conversation, smiles and/or seems genuinely interested in your statement) then the conversation should dictate itself and you should be able to obtain his contact info (dirty little secret: most men want the attention and are not opposed to reeling you in even if they do not think you’re hot). By the way in this day and age, even if you are shy about asking for his phone number, you have a multitude of tools available to you to get in touch with him that you can casually ask:
·      MySpace
·      Facebook
·      Twitter
·      Skype
·      Yahoo Messenger
·      MSN
·      Email
·      Etc…

Thus, in the event that you are unable to close the deal and get some type of contact information, the blame falls square on your shoulders.

Before sending you off into action, there are certain situations that should be avoided at all costs when approaching men:
·      Do not approach him if he is with a group of friends: men tend to act different are their boys and can do or say things merely to impress them, and well at times that could result in him disrespecting a lady.
·      Know when to cut your losses: if he looks like he is waiting for someone, refrain from approaching him. On the off chance that you decide to still approach him, if he fails to display even the slightest interest, get out of there quickly because his wife, girlfriend or date could potentially show up and make a scene when she realizes you are practically humping his leg for attention.
·      Never be someone else: who you are should be enough to get a relatively decent guy to take interest in you at first glance. If that is not sufficient, chances are you probably would not click. Thus, it’s important not to attempt to mimic the techniques of some of your friends unless they just naturally come to you.

And with that ladies, I’m sending you out into the wild to get acclimated with new men. Good luck (although you will probably not need it) and get in the open and get results. I mean, how hard could it be, men do it right?

Questions or comments? Feel free to leave them in the comments section or you can contact me by email at can also find me on Twitter with the handle name @ShyneIV.